(no subject)

[jamie-patrick.livejournal.com]

So I went to a counseling appointment and talked about making friends--and my counselor really made it simple. All she said was "find moments you can build off of." So, that's what I have been doing. Instead of looking at soicalizing as scary socializing.... I'm looking at it as a project, and it's not so scary with that outlook. I find little things people say and do that i can build on for our relationship--whatever it may be. 

I'm working toward accepting my transness/ myself... but that will take a long time. I signed up for boxing today, and that is something that I have been wanting to do for so long.... but couldnt because I had surgery--and then I just kept putting it off becase I was scared to be around a bunch of guys all the time--afraid I'll do something wrong, or-- I dont know. ...but, I'm trying to just be myself. I'm trying to just forget about trying to be anything, actually...

Tonight i went to a trans support group and didnt really talk about anything. Speaking in groups is something that I can never seem to do... I go, in hopes I'll talk.... but. Anyway. I got up to leave and one of the mothers at the group (its a trans and trans families support group) looked at me and said, "You really used to be a girl? I squinted and cocked my head.... wondering if I should take it as a compliment, wondering what I should say.... I said yes. But it bothered me. When I was little and heard of someone being a transexual-- it was somehting that I thought of as someone was once one thing and now something else--- and that's how many people view it--but I don't feel any different from when I "was" a "girl"--I'm the same damn person. I just look different.