Gained club access
Sep. 15th, 2009 10:49 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
aumentou.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transApologies if this is not on-topic enough for the community. I wasn't sure, so I thought I'd go with it and hope.
Last week was rather stressful for me because I ran face first into an argument on the internet. The subject was a BDSM club called Tipping the Velvet in London whose door policy was "genetic women only". I was never going to go to the club anyway - on the rare occasions that I'm there I don't really go out in London, and I can't afford BDSM clubs, and I'm not even convinced I like them - but seeing the door policy hit me like a slap in the face combined with a punch to the guts.
There were some threads on a site called informed consent which I will not link to because it's not work safe, and you'll find it in seconds if you search. There were also a series of memos between me and the organisers, and presumably between other people and the organisers though obviously I don't know that for sure. I was so angry that I spent about half of last Monday constructing elaborate revenge fantasies... and about a quarter of the day carefully and politely explaining why I was upset, without making any threats or doing anything overtly hostile. Meanwhile there was a bit of a storm on the site, though not much worse than they've had before. End result: they've changed the door policy. Removal of that word genetic, and insertion of a requirement of photo ID.
This might not be the end. The club is still members only, and right now there are no trans women members as far as I or the organisers know. It's also a very small thing in practical terms, since it's only relevant to trans women with female photo ID who can go out in London and are into BDSM with other women AND who can find someone to sponsor their membership... BUT it's still quite heartening for me. Partly because I had a small part in it, but mostly because it reinforces a lesson I learned a long time ago that I find reassuring: Sometimes people do bad things because they're bad people. Mostly they do bad things because they don't know any better. So the first step is to teach them, politely.
Anyway, if anyone does go, I'd be interested to hear if the clientele are friendly.
Edit because I can't work HTML. D'oh.
Last week was rather stressful for me because I ran face first into an argument on the internet. The subject was a BDSM club called Tipping the Velvet in London whose door policy was "genetic women only". I was never going to go to the club anyway - on the rare occasions that I'm there I don't really go out in London, and I can't afford BDSM clubs, and I'm not even convinced I like them - but seeing the door policy hit me like a slap in the face combined with a punch to the guts.
There were some threads on a site called informed consent which I will not link to because it's not work safe, and you'll find it in seconds if you search. There were also a series of memos between me and the organisers, and presumably between other people and the organisers though obviously I don't know that for sure. I was so angry that I spent about half of last Monday constructing elaborate revenge fantasies... and about a quarter of the day carefully and politely explaining why I was upset, without making any threats or doing anything overtly hostile. Meanwhile there was a bit of a storm on the site, though not much worse than they've had before. End result: they've changed the door policy. Removal of that word genetic, and insertion of a requirement of photo ID.
This might not be the end. The club is still members only, and right now there are no trans women members as far as I or the organisers know. It's also a very small thing in practical terms, since it's only relevant to trans women with female photo ID who can go out in London and are into BDSM with other women AND who can find someone to sponsor their membership... BUT it's still quite heartening for me. Partly because I had a small part in it, but mostly because it reinforces a lesson I learned a long time ago that I find reassuring: Sometimes people do bad things because they're bad people. Mostly they do bad things because they don't know any better. So the first step is to teach them, politely.
Anyway, if anyone does go, I'd be interested to hear if the clientele are friendly.
Edit because I can't work HTML. D'oh.