Hi! ^^

[letsseeaction.livejournal.com]

My name is "Dren". I am wishing to be FTM, and started talking to my therapist about two months ago. Since then, I've had about three or four sessions with her. She is very helpful, and is encouraging me to post here. [I told her about the comm, and have been a lurker. I'm really shy!]

In November I'll be talking to her about trying to get on hormones. I am currently on fixed income [SSI, "Social Security"] and have no idea if Medicaid will pay for it.

I've been doing some research on transitioning, hormone therapy, and surgery, and I'm very sure this is what I want I want to do.


From a young age, I've always known that deep inside I was a boy. From the clothes I threw a fit to wear as a young child [which ended when I was forced to wear dresses and other clothes that are associated with girls] so I repressed these thoughts and feelings...They came back around the age of 12 - 15. But again, I repressed them. My mother thought it was a "phase" again.

In 2005 I got married and tried to live life as a woman. I was with a very masculine sensitive man [he was very...sensitive about his masculinity and such. I still don't know why] and am currently going through a very long divorce with him, which I claimed I wanted in 2006. During, I got back with my first love, which ended badly. I miscarried his child, and he left me.

He was the very first person I ever told that I wanted "The Change". Sometimes during out "bedroom times" we would roleplay, and I would get to feel as if I really were a man, on the outside...Not just the inside. It was during the first time I realized I really wanted to do something to change.

Last year, I came out to my cousin, my first family member. He told me to do as I wished, and he'd support me no matter what. His sister feels the same. Months later, I told my mother. ...Who laughed at me. She still can't exactly accept it, and it's a bit hard living with her because of that.

My older sister knows, and I'll be coming out to my aunts and uncles this month, or next. I believe this is the first step to actually "Becoming" the person I am inside, if that makes any sense.

I have a few questions, and I'm not really sure who to ask, since my therapist doesn't exactly specialize in this. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!! A few are uhh...Somewhat "Adult" related...


Here are the questions:

1 - Is it unheard of for a ftm wanting to only transition half way? Meaning, I'd lose the breasts, but gain the penis, and have no other modifications. I guess, making me a hermaphrodite.

2 - After having all the surgeries, is it necessary to continue to take hormones? Or will this depend on the person? I am still reading up this, and am a bit confused. Sorry!!

3 - Is it known if the hormones or "top surgery" can be covered with medicaid? My therapist doesn't think so, but she's still investigating this for me.

4 - Have any ftm's had the complete surgery, along with the urethra re-routing, had any problems? If so, may I know how severe/how mentally damaging [if at all] they were?

Oh, I might add, I currently have two girlfriends, both long distance [who know about each other!] and both support me 100%.

I'm thinking I'm really going to be liking my stay here. <3

Sorry if any of these questions have been asked/answered. I looked through the FtM guide that was linked to this comm, and didn't really see anything.....maybe I missed it? @_@;