TransAnxiety

[elegancewaves.livejournal.com]

So. When I first moved to Vancouver from my crappy, closed minded city, I had kind of arrived on the false impression that maybe my anxiety wouldn't make a return here. Although I should have known that, having dealt with anxiety and depression since I was 13, and I am about to turn 22 next month, that simply moving to a "more open minded" area wouldn't eliminate the anxiety and depression forever. It was completely fine for the first few months, but I've completely unraveled again, and I don't have a clue what triggered it. Now all of a sudden, I'm suicidal every day again, and I can't get on the mass-transit system without having a mild heart attack over whether or not everyone in the vehicle is judging my soul to death. Its like I'm petrified to my seat every time.

I mentioned it to my doctor today when I went in for my Spiro refill. Apparently now I'm a candidate for free counseling. I asked if I would still need to talk to a gender therapist for it to count towards hours clocked towards getting approved for SRS, and she said no. It'll all count towards everything I'm working for, I just need to be approved by a psychiatrist when I'm going for the actual SRS (which is covered by health care, bless their souls). Thankfully, there are several that can approve me here instead of just the one Alberta had. Which is marvelous, because to be frank, I'm not a big fan of a therapist telling me I can or can not make the decision for myself anyway at $200 an hour. I would like to applaud the health care system for actually caring about my well-being here. Calgary will bleed you dry for as much as they can get. In my opinion anyway. Its nice to know I really do have access to help and progress when I'm poor and isolated.

Although as much as I love the Three Bridges Clinic for all of these things, I do wish they'd stop sticking me with a different student doctor every time I go in.

Just felt like sharing this. It's been a really hard couple of weeks. Maybe I need to just accept that I do need more trans oriented friends, because my cisgendered friends, accepting as they are, just don't seem to understand or connect with me on that level of my life. So that's probably a large part of the reason for my feeling of isolation and a breeding ground for feelings of not being wanted.