a little rant/EDIT
Feb. 2nd, 2010 01:24 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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transI know this sounds weird, but has anyone in the community ever had feelings of “not being trans enough”? I ask because it’s a feeling I’ve been having a lot lately, and it’s been bugging the hell out of me. Egh, I don’t really know how to word this, and I’m awful at explaining myself, but I’ll try my best to get what I’m feeling across.
I’m a guy. I’m a guy who was born with a female body, and while it’s a part of myself that I don’t like, I accept it because it’s still a part of who I am as a person. Yet at the same time, I’m deathly afraid of being rejected or shunned by other people in the LGBT community for, well, not being trans enough. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just can’t shake the feeling that at some point someone is going to come up and tell me—
• “You’re not really queer or trans, you don’t immerse yourself in the community.”
• “You can’t be a guy because you sometimes like to dress in women’s clothing and you act really effeminate.”
• “You can’t be trans because you didn’t go through certain experiences that other transgender people have gone through.”
• “You’re not really a guy and you’re not really trans, you’re just confused and looking for a place to wedge yourself into because you don’t fit in anywhere else.”
• And the list goes on.
The most irritating part is that nobody has actually gone out and said this to me, but I’m afraid that they might say it in the future, or that they’re thinking it but haven’t bothered with saying it. It’s even getting to the point where I sometimes don’t want to go to my support group because I’m afraid that they might think of me in this sense – which is ridiculous, because I love going to group and the people there are a pleasure to be around! It’s just that horrible, nagging anxiety that has me worried that wherever I go, people will reject my identity and essentially tell me to bugger off.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Or am I just paranoid?
**Edit**
Wow, you guys. Let me tell you, there's nothing like checking one's e-mail during break at school, only to be flooded with such a huge amount of amazing and really supportive comments. I would comment individually, but that would take forever so I'll just say what I have to say here. First of all, THANK YOU - I'm a lot more at ease knowing that I'm not the only person who has ever felt this way, and it was really interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the topic and even their own experiences with not feeling "trans enough". For those of you who gave me advice, I'll definitely be keeping all of that in mind for the times when I feel this way in the future. Again, thank you so much. You guys are all amazing. X) <3
I’m a guy. I’m a guy who was born with a female body, and while it’s a part of myself that I don’t like, I accept it because it’s still a part of who I am as a person. Yet at the same time, I’m deathly afraid of being rejected or shunned by other people in the LGBT community for, well, not being trans enough. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just can’t shake the feeling that at some point someone is going to come up and tell me—
• “You’re not really queer or trans, you don’t immerse yourself in the community.”
• “You can’t be a guy because you sometimes like to dress in women’s clothing and you act really effeminate.”
• “You can’t be trans because you didn’t go through certain experiences that other transgender people have gone through.”
• “You’re not really a guy and you’re not really trans, you’re just confused and looking for a place to wedge yourself into because you don’t fit in anywhere else.”
• And the list goes on.
The most irritating part is that nobody has actually gone out and said this to me, but I’m afraid that they might say it in the future, or that they’re thinking it but haven’t bothered with saying it. It’s even getting to the point where I sometimes don’t want to go to my support group because I’m afraid that they might think of me in this sense – which is ridiculous, because I love going to group and the people there are a pleasure to be around! It’s just that horrible, nagging anxiety that has me worried that wherever I go, people will reject my identity and essentially tell me to bugger off.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Or am I just paranoid?
**Edit**
Wow, you guys. Let me tell you, there's nothing like checking one's e-mail during break at school, only to be flooded with such a huge amount of amazing and really supportive comments. I would comment individually, but that would take forever so I'll just say what I have to say here. First of all, THANK YOU - I'm a lot more at ease knowing that I'm not the only person who has ever felt this way, and it was really interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the topic and even their own experiences with not feeling "trans enough". For those of you who gave me advice, I'll definitely be keeping all of that in mind for the times when I feel this way in the future. Again, thank you so much. You guys are all amazing. X) <3