A Question of Faith

[ragetti-wench.livejournal.com]

 I've been giving a lot of thought recently to my current religious faith and questioning myself more and more. Allow me to give a little background info to make this all relevant. I'm a pre-everything FtM living in the Bible Belt, so I've had Christianity shoved down my throat for years. While I don't necessarily reject Christianity, I also strongly identify as Ishtaritu (a Goddess worshipper). I've recently outed myself this past year as FtM and it's raised a lot of questions from my friends and family, especially concerning the fact that I do believe in a femminine divine. Ishtaritu, especially, have a predominantly female following and use the body as a temple during worship, but I find myself conflicted since I reject my femminine aspects. I'm finding it difficult to embrace my faith without compromising myself.

My question is, is there anyone else that has come into this sort of conflict and how have you dealt with it?

X-posted to open_transgendr and femme_ftm 

**Edit: I realize I might not have been as clear as I'd meant to be when I said "femenine aspects". What I was referring to was my female body. Ishtaritu revere the female body as a "temple" during sexual worship and as such, women have a greater connection with the Goddess. I was merely worried that, being male, I would eventually lose that connection with Her.