Will the truth REALLY set me free?
Aug. 21st, 2010 01:52 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sumofherpartz.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transDon't know if anyone might remember but I posted awhile back regarding my wife's desire to suddenly have a poly relationship and I want to thank everyone for there words of advice. On Tuesday of this week I had the chance to met the person that my wife has fallen in love with and talk about what was going on and where we wanted to go with this new idea. I never denied my wife to be the lesbian that she is but apparently she felt like she had to bury herself to make it easier for me. After she had developed an online friendship with this person then meeting her in person she realized she missed that side of her.
Today we began talking because I had noticed little signs that told me things just weren't right us and that she was holding back the truth from me. I have tried to keep the lines of communication open and honest between us even to the point of opening up our marriage to give her what I can't no matter the pain it might cause me. A flood of truth and emotions poured fourth from her mouth true tears of pain. I had been so honest with her at the beginning of our relationship 8 years ago about how hard it was to love a transgendered person like myself (FTM). Sitting outside today she told me that I was so right and she wished that she would have taken more time to get to learn about transgenders because if she had then she probably would never have married me, but she had fallen in love with me first.
After being with this female she realized just how much she missed being with a woman and could no longer deny who she was because she wasn't a straight woman. I never asked her not to be who she was (even gave her an open relationship to still have that) nor did I ask her to be straight, I simply asked her to be a woman who loved me. I am not on T and will not even go on it because she was scared of who I might become. I no longer pack 24-7 and haven't in about 6 years but according to her I have become more and more of a man and she doesn't want that, I am the same today as I was before we got married 3 years ago, even grew a goatee because she wanted me to. Right now in her growth she can not be intimate with me because it is to conflicting with her being herself. In her words she still loves me and never wanted to hurt me.
I sat there tears burning my face and listened in silence as she poured her true feeling out on the floor. Passing through the fog
becoming dense in my brain I thank her for finally being honest with me even though it might have hurt at least I knew that my thought and feeling were valid. I sit here as a gaping wound tonight wondering where we go from here, and it dawns on me ... was the truth to set me free or was it her way of releasing her ownself of the pain she caused me to be with the new love in her life that she is now sitting on the phone with outside!
Today we began talking because I had noticed little signs that told me things just weren't right us and that she was holding back the truth from me. I have tried to keep the lines of communication open and honest between us even to the point of opening up our marriage to give her what I can't no matter the pain it might cause me. A flood of truth and emotions poured fourth from her mouth true tears of pain. I had been so honest with her at the beginning of our relationship 8 years ago about how hard it was to love a transgendered person like myself (FTM). Sitting outside today she told me that I was so right and she wished that she would have taken more time to get to learn about transgenders because if she had then she probably would never have married me, but she had fallen in love with me first.
After being with this female she realized just how much she missed being with a woman and could no longer deny who she was because she wasn't a straight woman. I never asked her not to be who she was (even gave her an open relationship to still have that) nor did I ask her to be straight, I simply asked her to be a woman who loved me. I am not on T and will not even go on it because she was scared of who I might become. I no longer pack 24-7 and haven't in about 6 years but according to her I have become more and more of a man and she doesn't want that, I am the same today as I was before we got married 3 years ago, even grew a goatee because she wanted me to. Right now in her growth she can not be intimate with me because it is to conflicting with her being herself. In her words she still loves me and never wanted to hurt me.
I sat there tears burning my face and listened in silence as she poured her true feeling out on the floor. Passing through the fog
becoming dense in my brain I thank her for finally being honest with me even though it might have hurt at least I knew that my thought and feeling were valid. I sit here as a gaping wound tonight wondering where we go from here, and it dawns on me ... was the truth to set me free or was it her way of releasing her ownself of the pain she caused me to be with the new love in her life that she is now sitting on the phone with outside!
