Paths of my life

[cheez-grl.livejournal.com]

I guess I am very confused right now, I know I am transgendered and it would be a dream come true to transition to become a woman, the woman I have always felt I should be; but my girlfriend of two years whom I love with all my heart will not continue (which I don't hold against her) with our relationship if I transition. I have spent my life trying to hide from the fact that I am a transgendered individual, always trying to be masculine, so that is the person my girlfriend knows. Although she would support me through transition and understands how I feel she herself would not be my partner in a relationship anymore. So my issue right now is, what do I feel more strongly about: do I try and stay male with the girl I love, or do I transition to being a woman? Recently I have been finding it much harder to hide from my feelings about wanting to be a woman, and I am not sure I can hide them anymore, but I don't know if I am ready to throw in the towel just yet on my relationship either. I know this is a decision for me to make and that you cannot make it for me, but all I am looking for is advice and just the support of people who know and understand what I am going through. I don't know anyone who is transgendered personally so any feedback is welcomed. Just to know what you went through might be similar to me would help, how you dealt with it, sources of strength, anything you think would be helpful to me. I hope I don't come off as selfish for asking this of you, but I am very confused right now. Thanks!