I finally posted this in my journal:

[butterflywing.livejournal.com]

Here's the deal...I might as well write it, cuz that's going to be the best way to get it out.

After a LOT of thinking (especially since True Spirit), I've come to a couple "conclusions."

1) After questioning my sexuality for over a year now, I've come to understand some things about myself. I am attracted to a whole variety of people out there....a whole variety of genders and even sexes (although I do know that I connect with a certain sex better). So after discussing things (things that I too had been thinking about) with other people at CFS, I realize even more now how much words like "gay, lesbian, bisexual" limit gender to a binary system. I don't want a label that limits the people I am attracted to to a binary system. So here it is: I AM PANSEXUAL. That fits me perfectly. Because a)it doesn't limit them and b)it doesn't limit me. Which leads me to my next thing....

2)After questioning my gender for much longer than most of you think, I've come to some conclusions there as well. Inside of me, I know I am not a boy. But I also know I am not a girl. Nor am I a "different kind of girl" as someone tried to convice me of. That is not the way I feel. So I don't really fit in that binary gender system. But guess what? I don't even feel like I fit on a spectrum either. I feel very removed from it. I am not even on that scale. And (with very few exceptions) people out there see me as a girl. So you may be sitting there thinking, "But she's a girl, she even seems like she's more towards the feminine side of things." Well, what I'm saying is that is not the way I feel. So here's the other thing: I AM GENDERQUEER. I am not a boy, I am not a girl. I am me. I can't help the way I feel.


So there you go.....I do not consider myself a lesbian because 1)I am attracted to more genders than female and 2)I am not girl myself.


ps-thank you to a certain person who sometimes calls me Nathaniel....you have no idea how much that means to me.