Wanna help me out?!!?!!

[sermoa.livejournal.com]

Some kid is giving me hassle cos I'm gay.

Go here and read the comments. If you feel like giving me some support, you could maybe write something in response to him? He keeps coming back to see if I've replied!

Only you might want to post annonymous otherwise he'll most likely annoy you too!!



PS Sorry if you saw that message 167 times!! Internet Explorer went crazy!! Never mind, I've deleted them all now!!

Thank you all !!

[sermoa.livejournal.com]

Hey People!!!!

Thank you for all your support, and the angry rollocking that many of you gave my small-minded little Troll. You are TOPPS!!!

I only hope he comes back to read all that great stuff about gender diversity!!

depression

[deanza17.livejournal.com]

I dread the future, to the point where I'm simply living a shell of an existence. I sleep, reluctantly do whatever I have to do, chat occasionally with friends on the phone or through email, once in a blue moon go out, and spend almost all of my waking time in a depression. I dread the future because I see myself spending it in this fashion, I know who I am and know what I can and cannot take and believe me, I can take monotony for long periods of time. My worse fear is that someday I will awake to the realization that I wasted my entire life and if I continue down this path, that is exactly what's going to happen. This tedious sameness that is my life is smothering me, yet I feel no real coverage to change it -- I guess it's better to stay in a self-made prison that you're familiar with than venture outside into unknown territory, even if that territory may bring happiness and peace of mind. I have became quite the creature of habit.

What got me in such a state: Well, on my way to a nearby store today, I saw the summer (it's actually pre-summer aka spring) masculinity. All those guys in A shirts with their flat chests and facial hair and once again transitioning came to mind, and once again I felt like cr@p. I often question why I cannot muster enough coverage to explore the possibility of transitioning beyond making appointments with therapists and than canceling out on them or chatting with the handful of people I've came out to? Of course, there's always those safe email groups or online resource sites that I visit often, but beyond that -- nothing, I'm at a stand still. I'm I so afraid of being a FtM transsexual that I purposely sabotage my journey? I haven't even gone to one therapy session in over a month now. What the hell is wrong with me? I know I need it, I know I must go and work out my issues, that I must overcame the f@cking barriers in front of me, but I still continue to sit and do NOTHING!

I'm so afraid of what everyone else will think, if anyone will date me, if anyone will employ me, if I will be ok with being a short guy that I don't even give it a fighting chance, take about internalized transphobia! Hell it's not like everyone accepts me now, it's not like I go out on a ton of dates or have a long string of ex's out there, it's not like I'm tall now and transitioning will make me shrink, I mean hell if I'm so miserable being seen as a woman, why haven't I seriously discussed my gender issues with professionals. Why don't I want to help myself, why I'm I so afraid of feeling better?

Translucent Museum 2000-2002

[cd332.livejournal.com]

The Translucent Museum




The idea for an online museum that provides a free space for transgendered people to display their artistic conceptions and artwork came to me at the beginning of the year 2000. The most controversial aspect of this museum for transgendered artists and people with transgendered ideas, was the "selection" method of creativity. This was an option for the creation of a new piece through the selection, cropping, and altering of previously created images. Any such works would have to be presented with full credits to the original image, as well as the source from which it was taken. I proposed this option for two specific reasons: (1) The nature of certain groups within the transgender community to appropriate, transform, and reassess cultural stereotypes and identities, and in doing so, create a new persona from the rearrangement of an existing one. I thought that the existence of such practices within the transgender community would have provided the foundation for the understanding of "selection" in the creative process. (2) Artistic creativity, in my opinion, should not be limited to people with the financial and socio-economic privileges of attending art schools, purchasing art supplies, and devoting a lifetime to their art work without the need to take up monetary employment, all of which becomes costly in the absence of affluent parents.

I was proven wrong on both counts. Many transgendered people raillied against my requests for submission of art works on the suspicion that the .dot org non-profit status of a professional-appearing website had to find its funding from somewhere. I was also advised by many transgendered people that the "lifting" of an image belonging to someone else was in effect, morally wrong. While the Translucent Museum also displayed many original pieces or artwork, I saw it as a challenge to the originality of the transgender coummunity: The more original they were, the less obvious the "lifting" would be. As for the mysterious funding of a professional looking website, that credit would have to go to the long solitary hours I put in to creating it.

I was and still am proud of what The Translucent Museum strived to provide and what it strived to be.

However, after two years, the time has come for me to withdraw this service and leave the creativity of the transgendered artist to individual webpages and self-portrait photo albums where it belongs and is properly appreciated.


cheers,
cd332