Sports involvement ??

[jewle.livejournal.com]

I was wondering if anyone out there knew anything about participation in college sports for a tg person?? I love to run and was hoping to run in college. Any information would be helpful... Thanks
Kaitlyn

(no subject)

[lovestoryglitch.livejournal.com]

I've been meaning to post in some community on L.J. for weeks now. this post is going to be of me complaining so thats why I was taking my time, I was thinking that even if any of you understand, that maybe you will just feel annoyed or that i am being annoying.. well here goes.. I'm a Trans Guy.. i'm TG/TS. i'm Pre-op . i have no idea yet if i will ever be Post-Op. I'm 21 yrs old. I'm very petite, not very masculine, not passing, have not been able to pass, had not been hearing good comments from my so-called Friends in real life. People in public tell me i seem like or act like , look like, a LESBIAN. well I'm not a dyke. I'm not lesbian, and im not A lesbian. i've done lots to try to pass more as the real me and there does not seem like there is much else for physical part. physically i look like.. well something i dont want to look like. And some friends tell me its not about my looks at all and they have been very rude about it, most of them are complete assholes about it, most ppl have been being asses to my face about it. How can they judge my life? or judge who i am or how i feel about my own self? I mean this is a huge life decision(s)..I am not trying to be trendy or anything. I have been dealing with this my whole life. i do not feel comfortable as Female. I do not feel comfortable being seen as a Woman. i do not feel like a woman. i do not see myself as a woman, I have never felt comfortable in this body, it feels wrong. Something is not right. But people seem to think its ok to tell me that i am a female. " you are Female, you Are a Female, You Are a Woman " maybe they should worry more about their own. They are not me, I am not them, And why can't they trust my feelings? I'm not confused. I'm not lying about it. I know who I am. I know what i am, Why must they shove it in my face often? Why can't they keep their comments inside of their small little brains. It seems so many ppl these days are incredibly close-minded. and it's always the ppl you would think would be the cool ones. I just do not understand it. i don't get why ppl can't let me be and just shut up with their opinions, why make remarks and comments about how they think i am Not Male, or Not a man, and Not anything but a GIRL. It's like if I were a Fat person and they were going around calling me FAT like every single day. " You're chubby, You're a Lard Ass, you're Fat." btw, im a very small, skinny, petite person, but still, you get the point. or if i were Black and they kept talking about the color of my skin. im white, btw, but you get the point. Are these ppl really my friends? Are they just confused? Do they need help? Or is it ME ? Do i have any friends? did i ever? why are strangers so ignorant? i mean Yes of course I am Not on T yet. But T shouldn't matter. if i tell a person how i feel, and tell them or let them know which names or which terms bother me, why do they continue to call me terms or labels in which hurt me? I know they shouldn't hurt me. i should be able to ignore. its hard when it's coming from a girlfriend, or a best friend, or a close friend. i thought these people were good friends, or at least good ppl, and maybe they are, but do they know how much they had been or have been hurting me and/or harming me? do they understand at all?
It;s making me not want to leave my house. It's making me feel like... very hateful... at the world.. at myself..at everything. I don't know what to do anymore. i feel im about to become or go back to being very self-destructive. i know i should probably just... get into gender therapy. or therapy again of any kind, just therapy in general. I feel like I'm losing it. i have no income. i'm not sure how to go about all of this. i have about zero friends. not to mention zero trans friends. i'm not sure what to do. i don't know.