a transgendered comic, hot <3

[hristy.livejournal.com]

( hot 4 - changes )

Where do you begin?

[divergently.livejournal.com]

I am here to seek advice from others who are like me. I'm 26 years old and for at least 20 years I've known I had a gender identity problem. Unfortunately I ignored it and blocked out all of those emotions and needs and tried to live a normal life the best I can. I've developed some serious psychological problems from doing this and now I'm 26 years old and think I'm ready to explore it.

I would like to know how I should start. I've created this lj acct and started a journal about what I can remember as a child and it's opened a lot of who I've blocked for so long. I am wondering what I need to do next though.

Should I speak to a psychiatrist? How can you find one in your area that is transgender friendly? I am not sure if a psychiatrist will even help. One of my methods of blocking out all of this was turning to drugs. I'm not proud of that and am happy to have been clean for over 4 years now. But I'm worried a psychiatrist will just prescribe me some medication and I will abuse it and start using again.

How do you deal with the fact that no matter what you do, you'll never truly be the opposite sex? I think that's my biggest problem. The woman inside me wants to travel back in time and grow up female. She wants to develop as a normal female would. She wants to have a period and get pregnant and be a mother. She wants the life that she was denied. I know all of that is impossible but I don't understand how I will be truly happy just "pretending". Also, I am a big boned guy and don't think I would ever pass if I had SRS and embraced being female. I'm scared to death if I pursue this, I will become some sort of freak and will be destined to hide behind my walls even more.

If anyone has some advice for me, please share. I'm terrified and could really use a friend who understands what I'm going through.