Written in 2009.

[aubreycolors.livejournal.com]

After parking my car late in the afternoon, I made my way across the field over to where the day-party in Woodley Park was taking place. Individual groups were having their own BBQ parties scattered throughout the park. On my mind as I was walking along and passing a group of people on my right, was simply that I just wanted to get to my destination... where I knew I would be amongst comfortable people.

"Hey Baby!" I hear from behind me. I don't turn around, but keep walking straight ahead hurriedly.

Then he rides up his bike alongside me... and turns out that it's my friend Tim -- heading exactly where I am heading. I totally laugh at the situation because now at least I'm not walking across the field alone. I point it out to Tim -- "notice how I promptly ignored you?" and we have a good laugh about it.

I've always been a pretty independent person. For most of my life, living in Texas, I lived with having almost No people I could truly depend on and call my friend. I had people I occasionally hung out with, but if you know my story (which I'm thinking of reposting), you may know how I started early on to extremely shut people out and live with myself in private. Very alone. Life went on. and on. and on.

I still lived.
...and yet I never let the condition of being by-myself stop me from doing any of the things I really wanted to do. I went out to eat by myself. I went to movies, concerts, and all sorts of other fun things by myself. I've traveled to Iceland twice by myself, traveled through Ireland by myself, etc.

I was always determined that if I wanted to do something, I wasn't going to be dependent on other people. Other people had let me down too much. Most obvious was deciding to move to California on a whim in 2001 because I needed change.

I still have this complete independence today.

Three weeks ago, I found out about and went to a Psytribe party happening at an Indian reservation out near Pala Casino north of San Diego. (Same location as "Elysium" for those in the know). I love psytrance music. ...and it had been too long since I had gone to a great psytrance party.

I didn't try too hard to find people that might be interested in going with me; only getting around to ask one or two people. When it looked like none of these people could make it... I decided that I simply wanted to go. So naturally, I went by myself.

Imagine for a moment that every way that you've ever interacted with the world and the way the world has always interacted with you turns on its axis overnight. The new "way" is exhilarating, but it's sudden and you've got to take a crash course on how to experience it.

( Continued Here. )