"Vanity, thy name is woman"

[trailrat.livejournal.com]

Hi There,

Been awhile hasn't it. I've come along way since I last posted!

You may not even remember me, and that's OK.

But I seem to be at that stage where I need to make a decision! The big decision and I really could do with some feed back.

Let's start with me. I'm Nikki, I'm a MtF transwomen. I'm on hormones and a t-blocker. I've had vocal coaching and I'm still concentrating on getting it just right. When I started this with my trip to my GP I was full of doubts, and with every step along the way I went forward with doubts. But I've never regretted each of the decisions I've made.

I'm happier then I use to be, I don't suffer with a year long depression like I use to and I'm more social, even if it is just in the kink scene!

But now I'm reaching the final decision, whether to put my name on the waiting list for the operation. Full surgery! And I have hit the biggest doubt ever. This isn't something that I can come back from, not something that can be reversed quite so easily as hormones and t-blockers.
And I wonder if I want this for the right reason. I don't know if this is vanity or something else.

I want to go swimming but know that face and body don't exactly fit a female swimsuit. I want to wear certain clothes but I see bulges in the cut of the cloth, that might just be the figment of my mind. I worry that I am just seen as a transvestite by those that don't know me. I should hasten to add there is nothing wrong with being a TV, but it feels part time!

When I started this transition it was about presenting a female appearance! I wasn't concerned about what was in my underwear. But I think as I've made strides to achieving that, it just doesn't feel like enough. There are days where "it" just doesn't bother me! It's nothing more than a waste outlet to me. But there are days where I don't even bother to shower or get dressed despite the fact I probably should so I can get on with my chores

And then there's the final straw for the camel's back! I worry I'm doing this just for the attention! The, oh woe is me, help me, fix me, damsel in distress, huddle round her and make her safe attention. I worry that I'm truly worried about when the care stops because there is no more to be done! Does that make sense? Like I'll be discarded, left to fend for myself. I have spent most of my adult life trying to figure out what was wrong with me and I guess I'm a little scared that it'll be like finding the Lost City of Atlantis or solving Cold Fusion or perpetual motion. A life's work complete with no more harbours to call in at! I've been scanned, poked, prodded and studied to figure me out.

The surgery just seems so final! The end of all those mystery ailments. Nothing left to discover about me.

I know they say if you have doubts you should not proceed, but I've always had doubts. I am one of life's pessimists, not a massive pessimist but it's there in my heart driving every decision I choose to make. I even had doubts about posting this.

I don't know where to go and as always I hope I can trust in your honest feedback. 

resorce and information search.

[sara-blomkvist.livejournal.com]

Hi,

I 25 and looking for information about Breast Augmentation in the uk, I seek an enlargement as a person born male.

I seek resorces and infomation about the range and types of Breast Augmentations, I would love to get some recomendations about Breast Augmentation either in the UK or in Sweden (Prefrabbly in Stockholm as i have many friends there and would have support while recovering from surgery.)


MVH
Sara