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Jan. 10th, 2004 11:43 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
genocideboy.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transi wanted to post here for some reason. not really sure why, but anyway.
at school, most of my teachers call me chris (except for one, but he scares me and should go play in traffic). i always sign my name as chris. whenever i have to use my birthname, it sounds really odd. i've been recognized as a guy by random people who bump into me in the hallways, but to anyone who talks to me, i'm a girl. a girl called chris, but still a girl. i can't even keep track of how many new people i've met have said 'wow when i first saw you i thought you were a guy hahaha'. i'm going to have to start telling them that i'm transgendered if i want this to stop. gnargh.
i'm still nervous about telling my parents, although my mother already seems to suspect something. she offered to change my name in the school system. she knows i 'like to confuse people'. she once asked me if i was uncomfortable being female, i shrugged it off. she's started to introduce me as her 'child' as opposed to 'daughter'. but i'm scared about how she'll react when she knows for sure. you know parents always say that you can tell them anything and they'll understand but when you tell them they freak out. yeah.
my two best friends (whom i've came out to) constantly refer to me as male. they get upset at other people who refer to me otherwise. both of them have told their mothers about me being transgendered. i forget why. i think it was because the female parental units kept calling me a girl (understandable), and they (the friends) kind of snapped. it's nice to see that they really want everyone to know i'm a guy, but it feels kind of awkward that my best friend's parents know, but my own don't.
my boyfriend visited over christmas holidays. he slipped up with names and pronouns occasionally, but it was usually around my parents. and when he referred to me wrongly around my friends, they hit him. haha. but yeah. besides that, he made me feel very much like a boy. i'm more masculine than him, seriously. the last day he was here, i bound my chest for the first time in awhile. he kept exclaiming 'jesus christ your chest is flatter than mine! *whine*'. it made me feel pretty great.
i'm kind of neutral right now. i think i just need a good shove to push me over the binary and into maleness.
i didn't mean to imply that there's anything wrong with being neutral, or that i have to be masculine or feminine, one or the other. i'm just not comfortable being neutral. i'm a rather feminine guy, but to people at school for example, they see me as a girl. i guess what i was trying to say is that once i come out to my parents, i can start living as a guy instead of a genderfuckedboygirl (once again, not that there's anything wrong with that, i'm just not comfortable with it). i want to be male enough so other people will see me as such.
i'm not sure if that makes sense, but yeah.. :\
at school, most of my teachers call me chris (except for one, but he scares me and should go play in traffic). i always sign my name as chris. whenever i have to use my birthname, it sounds really odd. i've been recognized as a guy by random people who bump into me in the hallways, but to anyone who talks to me, i'm a girl. a girl called chris, but still a girl. i can't even keep track of how many new people i've met have said 'wow when i first saw you i thought you were a guy hahaha'. i'm going to have to start telling them that i'm transgendered if i want this to stop. gnargh.
i'm still nervous about telling my parents, although my mother already seems to suspect something. she offered to change my name in the school system. she knows i 'like to confuse people'. she once asked me if i was uncomfortable being female, i shrugged it off. she's started to introduce me as her 'child' as opposed to 'daughter'. but i'm scared about how she'll react when she knows for sure. you know parents always say that you can tell them anything and they'll understand but when you tell them they freak out. yeah.
my two best friends (whom i've came out to) constantly refer to me as male. they get upset at other people who refer to me otherwise. both of them have told their mothers about me being transgendered. i forget why. i think it was because the female parental units kept calling me a girl (understandable), and they (the friends) kind of snapped. it's nice to see that they really want everyone to know i'm a guy, but it feels kind of awkward that my best friend's parents know, but my own don't.
my boyfriend visited over christmas holidays. he slipped up with names and pronouns occasionally, but it was usually around my parents. and when he referred to me wrongly around my friends, they hit him. haha. but yeah. besides that, he made me feel very much like a boy. i'm more masculine than him, seriously. the last day he was here, i bound my chest for the first time in awhile. he kept exclaiming 'jesus christ your chest is flatter than mine! *whine*'. it made me feel pretty great.
i didn't mean to imply that there's anything wrong with being neutral, or that i have to be masculine or feminine, one or the other. i'm just not comfortable being neutral. i'm a rather feminine guy, but to people at school for example, they see me as a girl. i guess what i was trying to say is that once i come out to my parents, i can start living as a guy instead of a genderfuckedboygirl (once again, not that there's anything wrong with that, i'm just not comfortable with it). i want to be male enough so other people will see me as such.
i'm not sure if that makes sense, but yeah.. :\