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Jun. 23rd, 2004 04:22 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
annabelle-tea.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transJust some thoughts - I know many of us have dealt with strong issues related to dating in the transgendered scenes. This does not only go for TS women, but any who consider themselves transcending gender. I am sorry, but I can only speak from my own personal experience, so my comments may be solely directed to M2F persons. Yet I am hoping others will also be able to relate to this subject.
Many of us are familiar with the hardships of dating when you have decided to transition into another gender, or simply take on the role of the genderless. In my experiences, a lot of times men tend to think of girls like us as one of the guys or even simply as sexual objects. I've come to realize, that to a lot of men girls or boys like us are simply sexual fantasies they wish to have fulfilled at some point. Most can promise you the world in order to try and have a one night stand. I'm sure many are familiar with the men or women who will tell you how great you are, how beautiful, how sensual, and then after you cave in to them, they just seem to dissapear off the face of the earth. Of course this entire misconception (or is it?) of us being fantasy fulfillers could partly some of our own fault. Of course I'm not saying it is, but there are many out there who use their transitioning to become escorts, or to make money. I know many TS women who think they belong to some "club" instead of considering it an actual transition.
Of course I myself am guilty of this, being an ocassional escort myself, but I am also very sympathetic to the people who truly seek a long term, fulfilling relationship with a man or a woman. I myself only work professionally because I am in a relationship already, and have also become jaded to the bold lies that men like to tell us. The way I figure it, if they want to just have some fantasy fulfilled, with no strings attached, no vacation should be free.
Back to the topic at hand, though. I know there are actually a handful of men and women out there who actually WANT a long term relationship with a transgendered person. In my experience though, more often than not these are older men and women who either have what they want in life, or know how to get it. I have found that a lot of the younger men are a bit more dangerous to people like us because they are more liable to feel ashamed of their attraction after the fact. To question their sexuality. They are also more likely to want to punish us because of this, instead of punishing themselves. It's much easier to lash out at someone in front of you, then to lash out at an interior level. I have never experienced these things with a woman though, because I've found that most are already extremely comfortable with their sexuality. Of course this isn't to say that they are entirely immune, I'm just typing from personal experience.
I've found a website which is extremely educating about the entire subject, and do wish it could be passed on to more transgendered admirers. Though it deals with transsexual m2f dating, I do believe everyone can get some very enlightening details from it. It can be found here at TsGirlfriend.
So, anyhow, thanks for hearing me out any who read this, and feel free to post agreements or disagreements. Just please try to be civil about it. :) We're all adults here.
kisses,
anna
Many of us are familiar with the hardships of dating when you have decided to transition into another gender, or simply take on the role of the genderless. In my experiences, a lot of times men tend to think of girls like us as one of the guys or even simply as sexual objects. I've come to realize, that to a lot of men girls or boys like us are simply sexual fantasies they wish to have fulfilled at some point. Most can promise you the world in order to try and have a one night stand. I'm sure many are familiar with the men or women who will tell you how great you are, how beautiful, how sensual, and then after you cave in to them, they just seem to dissapear off the face of the earth. Of course this entire misconception (or is it?) of us being fantasy fulfillers could partly some of our own fault. Of course I'm not saying it is, but there are many out there who use their transitioning to become escorts, or to make money. I know many TS women who think they belong to some "club" instead of considering it an actual transition.
Of course I myself am guilty of this, being an ocassional escort myself, but I am also very sympathetic to the people who truly seek a long term, fulfilling relationship with a man or a woman. I myself only work professionally because I am in a relationship already, and have also become jaded to the bold lies that men like to tell us. The way I figure it, if they want to just have some fantasy fulfilled, with no strings attached, no vacation should be free.
Back to the topic at hand, though. I know there are actually a handful of men and women out there who actually WANT a long term relationship with a transgendered person. In my experience though, more often than not these are older men and women who either have what they want in life, or know how to get it. I have found that a lot of the younger men are a bit more dangerous to people like us because they are more liable to feel ashamed of their attraction after the fact. To question their sexuality. They are also more likely to want to punish us because of this, instead of punishing themselves. It's much easier to lash out at someone in front of you, then to lash out at an interior level. I have never experienced these things with a woman though, because I've found that most are already extremely comfortable with their sexuality. Of course this isn't to say that they are entirely immune, I'm just typing from personal experience.
I've found a website which is extremely educating about the entire subject, and do wish it could be passed on to more transgendered admirers. Though it deals with transsexual m2f dating, I do believe everyone can get some very enlightening details from it. It can be found here at TsGirlfriend.
So, anyhow, thanks for hearing me out any who read this, and feel free to post agreements or disagreements. Just please try to be civil about it. :) We're all adults here.
kisses,
anna