Long Overdue
Aug. 11th, 2004 09:37 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
freeme81.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transOk, so before I start my long over-due update, I'd like to say hey to everyone in the Trans and Intersexed groups...I joined the groups not too long ago but haven't updated my journal recently... Quick intro...I'm "Mo," I'm 23, from Western Massachusetts...new to the tranny game...or at least the OUT tranny game. Ok, so on to my update!
First let me apologize to all for taking so fucking long to update...I honestly keep forgeting about this thing! As many of you may or may not know, I'm working at a day camp. My age group...4-6...I know, I know! It's insanity everyday but I truly enjoy it. My co-workers are really cool (for the most part) and I am known at camp as female :) Yeah, most people probably know the situation by now, either because I told them or because they've viewed my legal name on the hour sheet, but either way, they still treat me as a chick and it's a grand old time!
My therapist, the wonderful Lisette Lahana, has helped me to understand a couple of important things recently.
Number 1: I'm rushing the transition situation. Tis true. I am indeed rushing it. Some of it is subconcious but some is on purpose...I'm just tired of faking it. 23 years is much to long to be a foreigner in your own body, don't you think? So I'm a little impatient with stuff (ie, the length of time it's taking my hair to grow out (a good 2 1/2 inches so far), social acceptance, etc). Lisette has helped me realize I need to slow it down a little bit.
Number 2: (this isn't actually something I didn't already know but it's nice that she reiterates it) I need to hurry up and figure out how to get the FUCK out of my mothers house. Love my mom, really do...I mean she doesn't give me shit (verbally) about dressing feminine or wearing make-up but she's manipulative and controlling about most other aspects of my TWENTY-THREE YEAR-OLD life, and in order to grow up and move on, I need to be outty! So, since it looks like I indeed have a job for the fall (ran into my supervisor in the mall today), I will maintain living on a strict budget while searching for a better paying, yet hopefully equally open-minded job.
Anyway, camp is almost over... How's it going with the guy I'm attracted to? Eh...it's ok. I'm slowly but surely getting over him. I mean, the attraction was pretty much physical anyway and having gotten to know him a little bit more, I'm not all that sure he's my type.
I'm glad the attraction happened though, because I've realized that as much as I wanted to consider myself big fat lesbian, I've decided to not limit myself with a title. I'm queer...I like the ladies (oh ho ho yes I do) but I guess I gotta little spot in myself for the fellas (grrr).
Why does it bother me that I'm attracted to guys too? Well, because I don't trust guys...Not one little bit. I've never EVER met a man I could completely count on or trust for anything. I've never been sexually assaulted or molested but emotionally I've been fucked over and over again, SO I subconciously push male attractions out of my head so as not to get hurt. And yes, I know that women are just as capable of hurting me as men are but still... Anyway, this guy, however, snuck past the radar...
Ok, so I'm babbling (those of you in the tranny and intersexed rooms who don't know me, get used to it because I'm really good at it)...just a couple more quick things:
I bought a REALLY cute handbag today. It's Navy blue and SOOO cute!
I bought two bracelets in Northampton yesterday. They're hemp woven with colored beads. The black beaded bracelet is supposed to represent protection and the gold one is supposed to be for courage, both of which I feel I need right about now.
I also bought a piece of aquamarine stone. It's supposed to help protect and heal you as well as balance your physical and emotional bodies (need those things, yep yep) and it's pretty coincidental that it just so happens to be my birthstone too :)
I bought some clip-on hoop earrings today. They're small and they look really real! I'm getting my ears pierced eventually (don't like sharp things) BUT not until I come back from visiting my uncle in Michigan later this month. This trip will hopefully be the last time I'll ever have to give my full-blown "straight MAN" act...
My 24th birthday gift to myself (in March) will be to get my name legally changed. Lisette explained the process to me and it's pretty simple. Fill out some paper work, hand over my birth certificate, pay $60 bucks, stand before a judge to swear that I'm not changing my name for unlawful purposes and in 6 weeks, Viola! The thing that WILL suck is going through this list of everywhere I would need to call or write to get my name changed (ie: credit cards, school records/diplomas, drivers license, social security cards, passports, etc)....the list is SOOO long...but it'll be worth it. :)
Ok all! Take care and be well.
-mo-
First let me apologize to all for taking so fucking long to update...I honestly keep forgeting about this thing! As many of you may or may not know, I'm working at a day camp. My age group...4-6...I know, I know! It's insanity everyday but I truly enjoy it. My co-workers are really cool (for the most part) and I am known at camp as female :) Yeah, most people probably know the situation by now, either because I told them or because they've viewed my legal name on the hour sheet, but either way, they still treat me as a chick and it's a grand old time!
My therapist, the wonderful Lisette Lahana, has helped me to understand a couple of important things recently.
Number 1: I'm rushing the transition situation. Tis true. I am indeed rushing it. Some of it is subconcious but some is on purpose...I'm just tired of faking it. 23 years is much to long to be a foreigner in your own body, don't you think? So I'm a little impatient with stuff (ie, the length of time it's taking my hair to grow out (a good 2 1/2 inches so far), social acceptance, etc). Lisette has helped me realize I need to slow it down a little bit.
Number 2: (this isn't actually something I didn't already know but it's nice that she reiterates it) I need to hurry up and figure out how to get the FUCK out of my mothers house. Love my mom, really do...I mean she doesn't give me shit (verbally) about dressing feminine or wearing make-up but she's manipulative and controlling about most other aspects of my TWENTY-THREE YEAR-OLD life, and in order to grow up and move on, I need to be outty! So, since it looks like I indeed have a job for the fall (ran into my supervisor in the mall today), I will maintain living on a strict budget while searching for a better paying, yet hopefully equally open-minded job.
Anyway, camp is almost over... How's it going with the guy I'm attracted to? Eh...it's ok. I'm slowly but surely getting over him. I mean, the attraction was pretty much physical anyway and having gotten to know him a little bit more, I'm not all that sure he's my type.
I'm glad the attraction happened though, because I've realized that as much as I wanted to consider myself big fat lesbian, I've decided to not limit myself with a title. I'm queer...I like the ladies (oh ho ho yes I do) but I guess I gotta little spot in myself for the fellas (grrr).
Why does it bother me that I'm attracted to guys too? Well, because I don't trust guys...Not one little bit. I've never EVER met a man I could completely count on or trust for anything. I've never been sexually assaulted or molested but emotionally I've been fucked over and over again, SO I subconciously push male attractions out of my head so as not to get hurt. And yes, I know that women are just as capable of hurting me as men are but still... Anyway, this guy, however, snuck past the radar...
Ok, so I'm babbling (those of you in the tranny and intersexed rooms who don't know me, get used to it because I'm really good at it)...just a couple more quick things:
I bought a REALLY cute handbag today. It's Navy blue and SOOO cute!
I bought two bracelets in Northampton yesterday. They're hemp woven with colored beads. The black beaded bracelet is supposed to represent protection and the gold one is supposed to be for courage, both of which I feel I need right about now.
I also bought a piece of aquamarine stone. It's supposed to help protect and heal you as well as balance your physical and emotional bodies (need those things, yep yep) and it's pretty coincidental that it just so happens to be my birthstone too :)
I bought some clip-on hoop earrings today. They're small and they look really real! I'm getting my ears pierced eventually (don't like sharp things) BUT not until I come back from visiting my uncle in Michigan later this month. This trip will hopefully be the last time I'll ever have to give my full-blown "straight MAN" act...
My 24th birthday gift to myself (in March) will be to get my name legally changed. Lisette explained the process to me and it's pretty simple. Fill out some paper work, hand over my birth certificate, pay $60 bucks, stand before a judge to swear that I'm not changing my name for unlawful purposes and in 6 weeks, Viola! The thing that WILL suck is going through this list of everywhere I would need to call or write to get my name changed (ie: credit cards, school records/diplomas, drivers license, social security cards, passports, etc)....the list is SOOO long...but it'll be worth it. :)
Ok all! Take care and be well.
-mo-
