Why do we "NOT" transition?

[zoelouise1126.livejournal.com]

Ok.. I belong to a yahoo group called NOTRANS...
A group for non transitioning transsexuals.
A support group for people with GID who are tying to live with it and not transition.

On other groups that I belong, there is a thread going around titled "Why do we transition?"

events of the past few days, along with that thread got my mind working...

I am a 44 year old MALE with GID...
I am in TRANSITION from the man that I pretended to be to "something else"
( I have posted earlier about my thoughts on this)

This is what is going on in my head right now...
With the dramatic events of the past few days..
arguments with "friends" on Live Journal
thinking about "ME"
The "Why do we transition?" thread...

The thing that was the root cause of the argument with my LJ "friend"
was my equating myself to her. My saying "You are like me..."
She has several times stated that "YOU ARE NOT LIKE ME!!"
and in many ways she is correct.

I have NOT lost a lot in my transition (as yet)
I still maintain my family, job, house, bills, problems, etc. etc.
yet I am in transition.
I am DAMNED LUCKY to have come this far without loosing
everything. Many are not so lucky.
The thread about "why do we transition?" can be summed up..
because we HAVE TO!!!
Some of us are luckier than others...
and I am by FAR not alone in not loosing everything to transition.
The Yahoo groups are full of people who have maintained jobs, family, friends etc.
throughout full MtF transitions.
So don't curse me, or try to make me feel inferior to you, because I have not
had to endure the losses that you have because of GID.

Sure.. I could divorce my wife, quit my job, and move to a new city
for a new start on life. It would suck. It would be HARD. but I could do it.
But I am not ready to do that.
There is too much of my old life left to be lived.
Too much stuff "undone" to just chuck it all for the sake of
transition. I am super lucky that I have not been forced into that position.
Again, some are and I can sympathize.
But if that is your situation, don't hold it against me that it is not mine.

So when you say, "Your not like me" because your wife didn't divorce you.
or 'your son didn't disown you' etc.etc.
it hurts.... because I count those things as extreme blessings.
If your saying that I am somehow less than you because I did not suffer as much to get
here, you are saying that I am somehow less of a person than you. and that hurts.

Ok.. I can understand if your bitter. GID is a bitter pill to swallow. I am sorry if your life
seems to suck compared to mine, it is just how the cards were dealt.