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Dec. 22nd, 2004 06:33 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
sekoumoja.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transI'm thinking of giving my mom this letter tonight... Among some other materials (Other personal letters and such). Any thoughts?
Mom,
I felt I needed to put this down on paper to be sure that I can tell you everything I need to in a fashion that makes sense. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve done. For most of my life I’ve been a “boy”. I’ve been two people. The person that was seen by others and the person I am with myself. Not always, though – There have been few times I tried to be “myself”. But as most of them ended in ridicule and teasing, I’ve learned that if I just didn’t communicate or even respond, people would just leave me alone and go away. I’m sorry for not trying to deal with this earlier, but I am now. The reason I told you was not for your advice and counsel, it was for your love and support.
About two years ago, I became depressed and anxious. For no apparent reason, though. I felt extremely uncomfortable and upset. After some time, I began having feelings that I had repressed since 7th grade. I spoke to many people online and in person about these feelings and eventually sought counseling from my psychologist and physician. After speaking with many people on the issue, I’ve finally come to grips with the reality that I am transgender. I had already believed it for many years, but I needed to be sure that I was deluding myself.
In case you are not aware of the term transgender, here is a definition: transgender: a person whose gender identity, their sense of what their public gender should be, does not agree with what those around them say it must be because of their biological sex – see diseases: gender dysphoria
The most important thing I have to say at this point is it is not your fault. There have been many attempts to understand why some people are transgender, but the one thing all the scientifically legitimate research (i.e., researchers who don't have some moral axe to grind) seem to agree on is that there is definitely some sort of genetic/chemical cause and it is not due to upbringing. If you have a hard time accepting the issue, Dr. Bruce Sachs has offered to have a session with us both to clear anything up.
The end result of this is that I plan to start living as myself, a woman, prior to having SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery).
This is also the reason why I’ve never had any close relationships before Natasha (Telan). It was nigh impossible for me to have any close relationships with anyone when I’m always trying to be someone I’m not – even with you. The reason I am able to be so close with Natasha now is because I have finally dealt with this. I knew about this before I’d even met her. I’ve told her how I felt, well before we’d even begun dating, and what conflicts I had so I can just be myself with her. I want you to understand that the reason I am telling you all this is not to upset you or offend you, it is an attempt to improve our relationship, because I love you and I want your support in something that will always be an uphill battle for me.
Right now I’m worried about losing friends and family over this. I am aware of all the potential implications this will have on my future life, too. But the one thing I am completely sure of is that if I don’t do this, I will simply fall back into my previous state and feel nothing.
I have somewhat adopted the name of Zelda as my female name, but this is only tentative for the time. I am also planning to dress as a girl for the majority of the time (and I have to say, I’m not as bad looking as some of the girls out there. I wish to always dress with a conservative eye and not simply to gain attention.) I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. I can only hope that you will be able to accept me and support me someday, though I could really use that now.
Love,
Zelda
Mom,
I felt I needed to put this down on paper to be sure that I can tell you everything I need to in a fashion that makes sense. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve done. For most of my life I’ve been a “boy”. I’ve been two people. The person that was seen by others and the person I am with myself. Not always, though – There have been few times I tried to be “myself”. But as most of them ended in ridicule and teasing, I’ve learned that if I just didn’t communicate or even respond, people would just leave me alone and go away. I’m sorry for not trying to deal with this earlier, but I am now. The reason I told you was not for your advice and counsel, it was for your love and support.
About two years ago, I became depressed and anxious. For no apparent reason, though. I felt extremely uncomfortable and upset. After some time, I began having feelings that I had repressed since 7th grade. I spoke to many people online and in person about these feelings and eventually sought counseling from my psychologist and physician. After speaking with many people on the issue, I’ve finally come to grips with the reality that I am transgender. I had already believed it for many years, but I needed to be sure that I was deluding myself.
In case you are not aware of the term transgender, here is a definition: transgender: a person whose gender identity, their sense of what their public gender should be, does not agree with what those around them say it must be because of their biological sex – see diseases: gender dysphoria
The most important thing I have to say at this point is it is not your fault. There have been many attempts to understand why some people are transgender, but the one thing all the scientifically legitimate research (i.e., researchers who don't have some moral axe to grind) seem to agree on is that there is definitely some sort of genetic/chemical cause and it is not due to upbringing. If you have a hard time accepting the issue, Dr. Bruce Sachs has offered to have a session with us both to clear anything up.
The end result of this is that I plan to start living as myself, a woman, prior to having SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery).
This is also the reason why I’ve never had any close relationships before Natasha (Telan). It was nigh impossible for me to have any close relationships with anyone when I’m always trying to be someone I’m not – even with you. The reason I am able to be so close with Natasha now is because I have finally dealt with this. I knew about this before I’d even met her. I’ve told her how I felt, well before we’d even begun dating, and what conflicts I had so I can just be myself with her. I want you to understand that the reason I am telling you all this is not to upset you or offend you, it is an attempt to improve our relationship, because I love you and I want your support in something that will always be an uphill battle for me.
Right now I’m worried about losing friends and family over this. I am aware of all the potential implications this will have on my future life, too. But the one thing I am completely sure of is that if I don’t do this, I will simply fall back into my previous state and feel nothing.
I have somewhat adopted the name of Zelda as my female name, but this is only tentative for the time. I am also planning to dress as a girl for the majority of the time (and I have to say, I’m not as bad looking as some of the girls out there. I wish to always dress with a conservative eye and not simply to gain attention.) I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. I can only hope that you will be able to accept me and support me someday, though I could really use that now.
Love,
Zelda