Annoyed and venting

[chooseareality.livejournal.com]

I am really frustrated in the lack of support available in this town(fresno, ca). I had a therapist and she wasn't bad, but something about her didn't quite work well with me. It felt like she wasn't really listening and just following some routine she followed with all her patients. She advised me to come out to people that might have been the wrong people to come out to at that time. One was my ex wife, which has caused huge amounts of problems concerning visitation with my daughter. But, I don't dwell on what happened. Ultimately the decision was mine and I have to deal with those consequences.

Anyway, I started on hormones and shortly after met my love and stopped them to have a child. That was a year and a half ago. Now after much contemplating and thinking and talking with her, I am ready to start up hormones again. I would like to find a therapist that could assist in getting a perscription, but it seems my old therapist is the only one in this sad town. I also have no desire to prove to anyone else that I am stable and that I truly need them. Been there and done that.

I am ok with who I am. I am past the point where I need to talk about this with a therapist. Am I just out of luck?

At this point I am ready to be on HRT, but I am planning on just hormone for the forseeable future. Due to work situations and my ex that is going to be it for now.

I guess I am just ranting, what is a girl to do? Right now I just ordered some online, but I want to be monitored. I have no desire to hurt myself for my sake and the sake of my family. So I am going with the old perscription levels and going to try to see if my Doctor will check my blood for me.

It is really frustrating sometimes to be an adult, but be treated like a child that can't make a decision on her own.