xposted HELP

[ms-e-honey.livejournal.com]

I am fairly new to this group and I am planning to go see my doctor asap about asking for a referel to a gender clinic and to get help . I'm 36 (ok no youngen) but i've always felt like I have since I can remember , but over the past yr it is actually starting to take over my life , my sense of self and my emotions in an almost magical and amazingly intense way .
all i want to do is nurture it and experience it gor and to transition so badly it aches in such a great way .
I just wonder if this is another or part of the stages of realisation and becomming a woman mentally and in my desire to fulfill this intention to a real state .
I have never felt so intense ever in my life nor so happy as I do when i think about it .
Yes 've looked at all the bad points , family , friends , bigots etc , but i cannot seem to control how im growing stronger , it's almost as if i'm subconsciously nurturing it all and when awake , making it grow more .
Any advice on all the thoughts and how long it may take to get to starting hormones would be super .
I know exactly what i must say and do , but I have no idea as yet of time scales from getting a referal ?
I will do this totally but help and advice is very welcome .
And I joined to make friends and to learn as i transition
Hug
Estel