It just keeps coming up!!!

[lookingforholes.livejournal.com]

I don't know why, and I don't know how, but this transgender issue just keeps randomly popping up in my life lately. I don't know what the deal is. Three times in the past two weeks this has come up. I was talking with my sister, and the girl that I am seeing, and I said, "So Mary and I finally figured out why I walk like a boy." And to this my sister casually responds, "Because you want to be a boy." Of course, I freak out, and completely defend myself, which in retrospect probably was not the best thing to do since I am trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing. Then, my best friend, her girlfriend, the girl I am seeing, and myself were all watching a movie, and my best friends girlfriend asked me what I would do if I suddenly had a penis. What was I suppose to say to that? I mean, I did not want to tell all of them, especially the girl I am seeing that I dream about that every night, and think about it every second of the day. So, I just sat there in silence acting like I was thinking about it for the very first time. Then, my best friend, who is the only one of the three of them who knows that I want to be a man was being facetious, and actually wanted me to answer the question. Of course, after a while everyone got bored waiting for my answer, and we moved onto a different topic. Then, last night, my ex girlfriend called me up to talk about a show she has seen that day about a transgender. She wanted to know if I had ever thought about it, and she was like, now wouldn’t that be weird to see. I then told her that I use to think about it a lot, and even looked information up on becoming a man. She asked me if that phase had passed, and I chickened out and told her that it had. I don’t know what the sudden craze is with this in my life. I am not sure why it keeps presenting itself. I am only out to a few people, so it is not like anyone knows to talk about this, and I don’t know how to respond to it either. It is really starting to stress me out.