Introduction and a Question

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Hi everyone. I’m new here. It’s nice to meet you all. I’m not TS, but I think transsexual and transgender people are really brave, so I guess you could say I’m an ally. I’m quite confused about my gender identity at the moment. I was born female and still am, at least physically. Sometimes I feel like a girl, sometimes like a guy, sometimes I feel androgynous, and sometimes I feel like I don’t have a gender at all… I’m asexual, and have been out as such for several months. Asexual means no sex drive (not no gender), and many asexuals have a much more stable gender identity than I do. Because I don’t have a boyfriend, most people I don't know well enough to be out to guess I’m a rape victim, or a lesbian, or a religious fundamentalist, but I’m none of those.

I know introductions are usually boring, so I want to ask a question. One of the things that frustrates me immensely is that none of my friends (including straights, gays, bisexuals, and asexuals) can tell me what makes someone seem like any particular gender. It seems crazy that we live in a society where people are judged and discriminated against by gender and yet no one even knows what gender consists of! What I want to know is this: is there a book or website somewhere with a list of all the things that make someone look masculine or feminine? Is there a list of all the masculine and feminine gestures? A list of which clothes are men only, which women only, and which are more or less unisex? A list of hairstyles? When I look at someone, I can tell if they have very masculine facial features, or very feminine ones, or a face that’s somewhere in between, but I don’t know how I or anyone else does that? Is there an explanation somewhere of what it is in a face that makes it look like a certain gender?

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