*sigh* Ok, I can do this...

[traptintmyskin.livejournal.com]

It seems like with every passing moment, I feel like I need to tell my mom sooner and sooner, but in that same passing moment, I feel like I should just suppress my feelings and deal with my body as it is and pretend like everything is fine. I think the longer I wait, the smaller the chance is that I'll have the guts to tell her. I need to finish the damn letter - forget ordering the books for now. I've gotta get this letter finished and have it ready to give to her. I'm not sure if I should leave it in her purse when I leave on Friday morning (I'm going out of town for the weekend to get some things done in Cincinnati before I get there to start college in January), or give it to her as soon as I get back (assuming I can get it done in time). Either way, I need to spend some time on the computer printing off resources and things for her to read. If any of you have some links you recommend, let me know so I can include them into my growing list.

I know all the risks involved with saying something, and I think that's what scares me more than anything else, but I don't know that I can live a lie and pretend that everything is fine. Last time I tried that, I ended up suicidal, hitting rock bottom in a depression that I was finally able to get myself out of around the beginning of this year. I also don't want to just disappear, either. I love my family and I couldn't do that to myself or them. This is driving me crazy...

[Crossposted to my journal and a few communities.]