Transsexuality and Historical Revisionism
Nov. 28th, 2005 11:47 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
justanormalgirl.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transAs far as I know, my roommate does not know I am trans (i.e. I am "stealth" to her). I've lived 7 different places (plus my girlfriend's) since I got kicked out of my parents' in April. Three of the people I knew prior to transition and two of the people I told up-front. My last roommate I told after a few days after I moved in so we could get to know each other. She says that she did not know that I had been born male until I told her (and she did seem genuinely suprised when I did tell her). So this time (two months later), I'm seeing if I can get away with simply not telling her.
I know she won't get upset if she finds out. She identifies as "Queer" (although she has never dated a girl) and has a couple trans friends through the LGBT club. She knows that one of my friends is trans (she referred to him as "she" and I corrected her). I kinda want to tell her so she doesn't get upset at me for lying about things if and when she finds out. I don't want her to say "Why didn't you feel that you could trust me?" and I just want to be treated normally and not have to bring it up. After I told my last roommate, I did end up sharing a lot of feelings with her about it and things related to it.
I very nearly brought it up a couple times. I showed her a pic of a very good looking net friend of mine and mentioned that she was trans. She said "Oh, she's transgendered (her word, not mine)? I couldn't tell at all. That would be so horrible to go through, I couldn't imagine...". I almost said "yes, it is." but instead I said "Yeah, I bet." *sigh*
I've twisted things to form a new personal history and relayed that history to her. It's just enough to where I would be comfortable maintaining a consistent narrative of my past, including getting kicked out for being Queer which works since I am open about being bisexual. In a perfect world, I would be 100% passable and be deep stealth but life is a series of compromises based on our relationship to reality (perfect world -- i would have been born an attractive girl from a good family; reality -- i was born a soft and awkward guy from a relatively abusive and dysfunctional family; compromise -- transition and get away from my family (even if that was not by choice necessarily)).
What are the compromises that you have made with your personal history in order to fit in? When is the best time to come out to someone like a roommate? I just moved in two weeks ago and there was a few days of Thanksgiving apart. I am only staying until the end of the year though (so six weeks total). She already told me last week how great a roommate I am and how well we get along and talk and stuff. She says she can tell pretty quickly whether she is going to get along with someone and I am totally someone she can get along with.
This also is a precursor to moving into the dorms Winter quarter. I am going to be living in school-owned apartments with 3 other girls. I am not going to have the ability to ensure that I have Queer-friendly roommates. Except for one place (and he is an active ally), I have lived with Queer people simply because that is the circle I run in and the people I tend to get along with. So living with 3 straight girls, am I going to stand out like a sore thumb or could I pull it off being stealth to them? I know my roommate isn't going to mind much if she finds out so she is sort of a practice for those girls.
So the actual questions are:
Stress... but hope that some day I'll actually fit in.
I know she won't get upset if she finds out. She identifies as "Queer" (although she has never dated a girl) and has a couple trans friends through the LGBT club. She knows that one of my friends is trans (she referred to him as "she" and I corrected her). I kinda want to tell her so she doesn't get upset at me for lying about things if and when she finds out. I don't want her to say "Why didn't you feel that you could trust me?" and I just want to be treated normally and not have to bring it up. After I told my last roommate, I did end up sharing a lot of feelings with her about it and things related to it.
I very nearly brought it up a couple times. I showed her a pic of a very good looking net friend of mine and mentioned that she was trans. She said "Oh, she's transgendered (her word, not mine)? I couldn't tell at all. That would be so horrible to go through, I couldn't imagine...". I almost said "yes, it is." but instead I said "Yeah, I bet." *sigh*
I've twisted things to form a new personal history and relayed that history to her. It's just enough to where I would be comfortable maintaining a consistent narrative of my past, including getting kicked out for being Queer which works since I am open about being bisexual. In a perfect world, I would be 100% passable and be deep stealth but life is a series of compromises based on our relationship to reality (perfect world -- i would have been born an attractive girl from a good family; reality -- i was born a soft and awkward guy from a relatively abusive and dysfunctional family; compromise -- transition and get away from my family (even if that was not by choice necessarily)).
What are the compromises that you have made with your personal history in order to fit in? When is the best time to come out to someone like a roommate? I just moved in two weeks ago and there was a few days of Thanksgiving apart. I am only staying until the end of the year though (so six weeks total). She already told me last week how great a roommate I am and how well we get along and talk and stuff. She says she can tell pretty quickly whether she is going to get along with someone and I am totally someone she can get along with.
This also is a precursor to moving into the dorms Winter quarter. I am going to be living in school-owned apartments with 3 other girls. I am not going to have the ability to ensure that I have Queer-friendly roommates. Except for one place (and he is an active ally), I have lived with Queer people simply because that is the circle I run in and the people I tend to get along with. So living with 3 straight girls, am I going to stand out like a sore thumb or could I pull it off being stealth to them? I know my roommate isn't going to mind much if she finds out so she is sort of a practice for those girls.
So the actual questions are:
- How "stealth" are you? Who in your life knows that you are trans? How long do you wait to tell someone?
- What is the relationship of your personal narrative (what you tell people) verus what really happened?
- How realistic is it for me to not be out to my roommate(s) if I haven't had laser, I have small hips (my roommate was giving me fashion tips to distract from them ^_^), and a tiny chest?
- How can you determine if someone knows you are trans without outing yourself in the process?
- How did you come out to people (I've come out to two using old pictures, which garnered interesting responses -- one was "I used to be pretty butch too" and "Heh, you look like a boy there...")? What have been people's reactions when you came out to them (from a position of stealth, not closeted)?
Stress... but hope that some day I'll actually fit in.
