Noticing Changes
Mar. 4th, 2006 03:00 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
jaquiregina.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transI responded to a question about emotions, and it allowed me to remember something that nobody had talked about before I transitioned. Transitioning is not just about letting others see who we really are, it is about finding out ourselves. With a lot of help I learned to stop judging myself and just notice how I was changing. As each new behavior became a natural part of my repertoire, I learned that they were not something I had to learn, but just a part of me that I had hidden so well that I did not even recognize it myself. This is an edited version of my response to someone's surprise at their emerging emotions:
One of the things that isn't talked about is that any trans-person who has not started transition has to build a shell, a false persona, that fulfills the expectations of others. We have to hide behind all the stereotypical things of our genetic sex. As a child we learn quickly, by scathing comments and ridicule, not to let others see our true nature. It is only when we start to accept ourselves, letting go of the shame and guilt that we were taught, that all those attributes of our true selves emerge. Enjoy who you are, value the surprises that come unbidden. Recognize those things for what they are, a part of our true selves, and accept them as confirmation that we are finally on our true path.
I suspect that if those who transition stop questioning and accept these things, they will be amazed by how much they had suppressed, and those natural parts of you will help them see that it is only in knowing and accepting our true natures that we can be happy. Only then can we find a partner who will make us happy and whom we can love. I can make no promises on anyone's experience, but I have found that the more open I am to others and to myself on who I am becoming, the more I find love and support in others. I don't have to scream, "I am woman!", I just have to relax and be myself. Enjoy the discoveries, they are the milestones that demonstrate that we are on the right path.
One of the things that isn't talked about is that any trans-person who has not started transition has to build a shell, a false persona, that fulfills the expectations of others. We have to hide behind all the stereotypical things of our genetic sex. As a child we learn quickly, by scathing comments and ridicule, not to let others see our true nature. It is only when we start to accept ourselves, letting go of the shame and guilt that we were taught, that all those attributes of our true selves emerge. Enjoy who you are, value the surprises that come unbidden. Recognize those things for what they are, a part of our true selves, and accept them as confirmation that we are finally on our true path.
I suspect that if those who transition stop questioning and accept these things, they will be amazed by how much they had suppressed, and those natural parts of you will help them see that it is only in knowing and accepting our true natures that we can be happy. Only then can we find a partner who will make us happy and whom we can love. I can make no promises on anyone's experience, but I have found that the more open I am to others and to myself on who I am becoming, the more I find love and support in others. I don't have to scream, "I am woman!", I just have to relax and be myself. Enjoy the discoveries, they are the milestones that demonstrate that we are on the right path.
