Swiped from max_bialystock

[ecwelch.livejournal.com]

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I swiped this from max_bialystock, who swiped it from stacymtf. It's getting passed around.

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---So how did this all start and how did you end up here?

The really short version. I went to counseling because apathy and ennui were slowly crushing me ("I'm just not happy - and given my history this needs attention." I've been suicidal in the past.) We discussed my relationships (with women & with society in general), my sexuality, and some films I made for a Production class I was taking (among other subjects) and my counselor said "If I didn't know you were male, I'd say you are a lesbian struggling with being closeted" (paraphrase). Holy Epiphany, Batman! And the rest, they say, is history (and a messy breakup, divorce, and restructuring of my life).


---What is your plan to transition?

I have an appointment with my endocrinologist on Monday to start hormones. As for the non-medical, I've come out to my parents, my boss, and most of my friends. As for the friends I haven't discussed it with, half know because telling them was how my (soon to be) ex-wife chose to deal with this. The other half know something is up (I've "beeped" on gaydar my whole life, and it's getting more noticeable. Plus my girlfriend is uber-dyky). There are rumors and theories, and most are fairly accurate.


---Are you aware that many transsexuals never live a "normal" female life and end up involved with other trans people and in the trans community for the duration of their lives?

Yes I am aware, especially the word "Many" in that question. I'm more than comfortable with operating in the queer community, but would rather deal with it as a lesbian than a transsexual.

---If you pass perfectly in 3 years, will you tell others about your past?

Probably not unless it is likely to come up (old paperwork, etc) or if we're very close. I'm not ever making a "Formerly Ethan" t-shirt to wear around town.

---Why do you want to transition?

This sounds shitty - but is the easiest example. I got jumped in '93 by some rednecks looking to kick the shit out of a fag. I have always had society judge me for being different - if people are going to make assumptions, at least they could be right about it.

---What is your sexual orientation and how does your changing your gender effect that?

I've been with both man & women and considered myself bi for a while, but the men were an experiment trying to figure if soceity was seeing something I wasn't. I dig chicks.

---What will you do about employment? Do you plan to transition at work?

I will continue with my job so as for transitioning at work, yes. I'm hiring someone next month and hopefully starting hormones next week. So I talked to my boss, explained where I'm at and what I'm doing, and hired a lesbian (whom I know through the college Pride group) who knows about my transition, rather than having my boss hire me a random kid off the street. Less likely to be hated/attacked by my assistant this way.

---Are out to your friends and family? How are they reacting to your decision?

My Dad I hardly ever talk to - so I don't know for sure. He knows and "wants me happy". My Mom is supportive but pressuring me to get the hell out of the area (she wants me to move up to Portalnd Maine - where she lives). I freak out my sister. My brother doesn't know. Friends are okay with it...we don't talk about it much - but we don't talk about their crazy hetero ways either, so it's all good.

---What is your goal? After you go full-time will you pursue other surgeries?

I'm not 100% sure. I'm currently waffling between transgender and transsexual. I want to live (and be seen) as a woman. My thinking was initially "society doesn't get to find out what's in my pants" and just do hormones and pass that way (thank god I'm thin and short for a guy!) If I was 20 years older, I'd say fuck it and not even consider surgery.

I want to be fairly normal. Ok. I want to be lesbian. Hell, keeping all my body parts saves me $50 at the porn store (might need viagara though - hormones...) but (most) lesbians don't have (permantly attached) dicks. But it's the "permanantly attached" part that is troubling. Future (sexual) relationships are going to be fucked up because I'll be outside her experience or because I'm not (and that would bother me - don't want to be dated for my trannie status).

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This actually helped me articulate some things and figure myself out better. Good questions. Comment freely or ask anything. I decided last summer to be honest about this, and don't see a reason to stop now...

- e

EDIT: And I'm really new at LIveJournal. I'd cut this, but don't know how.