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transI wrote this at work because I was kind of bored. I'm no expert or genius or anything, but I was just having some thoughts about things, and I thought I would share them.
I am a huge scifi geek. There is nothin wrong with a girl being that, right? I'm kidding, of course, because I know there is nothing wrong with that. I just happen to be a girl that likes a few typically male things. I also like girls (along with guys), so there you go. But I'm not writing this to ramble about the things I like and whether they are typically male or female. Or maybe I am, but just in a more roundabout, pseudo intellectual way. We'll see. This is a writing about trying to come up with an analogy to my condition that might better explain it to myself and others. I include myself, because there is much about things that still mystifies even the person who is living behind these eyes and experiencing it all.
Ok, so now the analogy. I see my male existance as that similar to those that are plugged into the Matrix. It's the world that "they" want you to believe is real. Of course, in the movies, "they" are a race of machines spawned by an artificial intelligence that went to war with the humans and won. For us, "they" refers to nature and then all around us that see us as we appear on the outside. So our birth gender is a sort of prison that we cannot smell, taste, or touch. It is a "prison for our minds", as Morpheus tells Neo when he meets him for the first time. And the prison analogy seems to fit, as it corresponds to the often used "woman trapped in a man's body" (or vice versa) saying. It is that splinter in our minds, driving us mad. Except in the movie it is a feeling that something is wrong with the world, while for us it is a feeling that something is wrong with ourselves.
So just what is so wrong? Why should we feel that we are meant to lead the opposite gender role from that one we seemed to be born into? Well, it's just who we are. Just as the Matrix is programmed so that some "wake up" and realize it's not real, there are those of us in this world that know that something went wrong when our chromasomes assigned us our birth gender. And how do we explain it to others? Well, the sad thing is that some people just won't ever understand. And they probably can't understand, because they are not in our shoes. Just as Morpheus tells Neo that "nobody can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself", unless someone else is transexual, it is highly likely that they will never understand what it is to be transexual, because it is outside the realm of their reality and understanding. They can except us for the way we are, and that is probably as much as we should hope for in most people's situations.
Now that we realize what has been bothering us for so long, that we were born into the wrong gender, we then start to see ourselves as we really are. This is analogous to when someone plugs back into the Matrix after being liberated from it, and they have all their hair back and are wearing different clothes. This is what they call the RSI or Residual Self Image, and it's alot like how we see ourselves in our proper gender role. So we change our outer appearance to match this RSI that we have in our minds. Like hacking into the Matrix, we try to get others to see us as we already see ourselves.
My final point in this line of thinking is about what Morpheus tells Neo in the Agent traning program. That "if they are not one of us, then they are one of them." Everyone out there that is not going through what we are going through is potentially an "agent", someone bent on us not achieving our goal of liberation from living the lie that is our prison and theirs. It may be your mother, husband, wife, brother, sister, coworker, boss, friend, or even therapist. Anyone at any time could try to stop you from achieving your goal. And some of these agents are holding the keys to your salvation, or at least it seems like they are. But you have the ultimate authority in how your life is led and how you see yourself. You are "the One" when it comes to your life. And as the Oracle tells Neo in the first and third Matrix movies, you are not ready to be the One and wield that kind of power until you "know thyself."
I am a huge scifi geek. There is nothin wrong with a girl being that, right? I'm kidding, of course, because I know there is nothing wrong with that. I just happen to be a girl that likes a few typically male things. I also like girls (along with guys), so there you go. But I'm not writing this to ramble about the things I like and whether they are typically male or female. Or maybe I am, but just in a more roundabout, pseudo intellectual way. We'll see. This is a writing about trying to come up with an analogy to my condition that might better explain it to myself and others. I include myself, because there is much about things that still mystifies even the person who is living behind these eyes and experiencing it all.
Ok, so now the analogy. I see my male existance as that similar to those that are plugged into the Matrix. It's the world that "they" want you to believe is real. Of course, in the movies, "they" are a race of machines spawned by an artificial intelligence that went to war with the humans and won. For us, "they" refers to nature and then all around us that see us as we appear on the outside. So our birth gender is a sort of prison that we cannot smell, taste, or touch. It is a "prison for our minds", as Morpheus tells Neo when he meets him for the first time. And the prison analogy seems to fit, as it corresponds to the often used "woman trapped in a man's body" (or vice versa) saying. It is that splinter in our minds, driving us mad. Except in the movie it is a feeling that something is wrong with the world, while for us it is a feeling that something is wrong with ourselves.
So just what is so wrong? Why should we feel that we are meant to lead the opposite gender role from that one we seemed to be born into? Well, it's just who we are. Just as the Matrix is programmed so that some "wake up" and realize it's not real, there are those of us in this world that know that something went wrong when our chromasomes assigned us our birth gender. And how do we explain it to others? Well, the sad thing is that some people just won't ever understand. And they probably can't understand, because they are not in our shoes. Just as Morpheus tells Neo that "nobody can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself", unless someone else is transexual, it is highly likely that they will never understand what it is to be transexual, because it is outside the realm of their reality and understanding. They can except us for the way we are, and that is probably as much as we should hope for in most people's situations.
Now that we realize what has been bothering us for so long, that we were born into the wrong gender, we then start to see ourselves as we really are. This is analogous to when someone plugs back into the Matrix after being liberated from it, and they have all their hair back and are wearing different clothes. This is what they call the RSI or Residual Self Image, and it's alot like how we see ourselves in our proper gender role. So we change our outer appearance to match this RSI that we have in our minds. Like hacking into the Matrix, we try to get others to see us as we already see ourselves.
My final point in this line of thinking is about what Morpheus tells Neo in the Agent traning program. That "if they are not one of us, then they are one of them." Everyone out there that is not going through what we are going through is potentially an "agent", someone bent on us not achieving our goal of liberation from living the lie that is our prison and theirs. It may be your mother, husband, wife, brother, sister, coworker, boss, friend, or even therapist. Anyone at any time could try to stop you from achieving your goal. And some of these agents are holding the keys to your salvation, or at least it seems like they are. But you have the ultimate authority in how your life is led and how you see yourself. You are "the One" when it comes to your life. And as the Oracle tells Neo in the first and third Matrix movies, you are not ready to be the One and wield that kind of power until you "know thyself."