Help Please......
Sep. 5th, 2006 10:38 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
terry-terrible.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transLast week after a summer full of introspection and self exploration I discovered that I’m an MtF transsexual, accepted myself as such and decided I needed to pursue transition to be my true self. Since then there are some emotions I’ve been experiencing that I’m trying to work out. I was wondering if some of you have experienced this and how you cope with it.
1 I’m having a lot of anxiety surrounding transition. I’m 27, single and currently getting my BA at the University. I’m lucky I don’t have a life-partner or kids and decided to become who I am while I’m young. But I still fear losing everything, my friends and my family. I worry about finding a job after school even if I go fulltime before I graduate. I’ve always thought the “transition or die” phrase has been a little mellow-dramatic, but now I realize what it means for people now that I’ve experienced it for myself. I feel like a wounded animal trapped in a coroner. If I don’t transition and “deal with being a boy”, I don’t really see myself living past 35. On the other side of the token, I might as well as be dead if I loose my family, I could always find new friends, but family you can’t replace.
2. When I feel anxiety and fear, I find that I try to negotiate with myself, thinking that it could be a personality disorder, a weird sex thing, or maybe I’m just outright insane. Of course, I know this isn’t true; it’s just that years of repression and denial have trained me into these maladaptive coping strategies. How have you been able to shed them?
3. Next week I’m going to see my parents. I have a feeling it’s going to be hell because I plan not coming out to my parents for a long time, until I’m in an emotionally safe space with a proper support system where I could handle the possible rejection. I know that there is a 98% chance my step-father will reject me. My mother will have reservations for a while but come around once she knows there is no stopping me from doing this. But this discovery, it’s so overwhelming and affects them so much. My mom and I are like best friends, its torture to keep this secret from them.
I know these a lot of problems to address in one post, but these some issues that have seemed overwhelming as of late.
Thank you and much love
-Courtney.
1 I’m having a lot of anxiety surrounding transition. I’m 27, single and currently getting my BA at the University. I’m lucky I don’t have a life-partner or kids and decided to become who I am while I’m young. But I still fear losing everything, my friends and my family. I worry about finding a job after school even if I go fulltime before I graduate. I’ve always thought the “transition or die” phrase has been a little mellow-dramatic, but now I realize what it means for people now that I’ve experienced it for myself. I feel like a wounded animal trapped in a coroner. If I don’t transition and “deal with being a boy”, I don’t really see myself living past 35. On the other side of the token, I might as well as be dead if I loose my family, I could always find new friends, but family you can’t replace.
2. When I feel anxiety and fear, I find that I try to negotiate with myself, thinking that it could be a personality disorder, a weird sex thing, or maybe I’m just outright insane. Of course, I know this isn’t true; it’s just that years of repression and denial have trained me into these maladaptive coping strategies. How have you been able to shed them?
3. Next week I’m going to see my parents. I have a feeling it’s going to be hell because I plan not coming out to my parents for a long time, until I’m in an emotionally safe space with a proper support system where I could handle the possible rejection. I know that there is a 98% chance my step-father will reject me. My mother will have reservations for a while but come around once she knows there is no stopping me from doing this. But this discovery, it’s so overwhelming and affects them so much. My mom and I are like best friends, its torture to keep this secret from them.
I know these a lot of problems to address in one post, but these some issues that have seemed overwhelming as of late.
Thank you and much love
-Courtney.