Need advice

[wynnefox.livejournal.com]

First a quick history...

So I have been out to my partents and brother for about 4 months as MTF and to the rest of my birth family for the past 3. During this time I have become public in what I have been doing, living all but at work as a woman, and no longer hidding what I am. I just can't take it emotionaly any more. I am not on HRT yet and only have had one session sence I came out with a new shirnk because my old one didn't want to handle my gender issues after I came out to him. My parents, especialy my mom, have been taking it quite hard because she chosen to ignore the signs as me expermenting with stuff. My Dad supected for years so him, not so hard. At this point though I don't live with them, I am 25, own my own house and actualy am more sucessful then they are *pride/brag/Grin* Things have been tence because I still want to be accepted for what I am by my parents and all you know? They say,"do as you want but if your around our house we want David, not Wynne."

As for the rest of my family? Well as for my mom's sister, she has actualy been giving me beauty tips though has shown consern for my safty, my grandmother (mom's side) is giving me her wigs and has been very cool, my conservitive couson up north actualy e-mailed me saying,"I am very happy that you are becoming as god intended you." and my liberal lawyer couson (well we don't know if she past bar yet are not *crosses fingers*) actualy fights for GLBT rights issues and was very happy and supportive too.

Now the problem...

My lawyer couson is getting married this weekend and would really like me to be there for her, which I am more then happy to too. She knows I have been going through some hard emotional stuff but has been very cool with me. When asked if she had preference in my apperence because I was worried about causing drama at her special day she said I should come as I feel most comfortable, and in later conversation has been very ok with things. A conversations though with my mother have been less then good. I honestly been avoiding her to some extent just because it frustrates/hurts/bothers/ect. to talk to her. I have come to accpetance though I will never satisfy her so I am just going to work on making me happy. The problem comes in that she has been hinting and today stright out said that at the wedding I am to be David because this is to special of an occation and to soon to get my changes out into the open like that and I would detract from the bride. I personaly have already chosen  (with the help of my best friend) a very nice woman's suit to ware for it (I just need some nice size 16 women's shoes by sunday that don't look like something I should streetwalk in, I am half hill giant, LOL), it has pants but cut to show my curves a bit more. I have been looking forward to doing this for the past month now but my inner self doubt tells me I should just throw on my old man's suit (its baggy on me, I lost 60 lbs sence I last wore it) and play my mom's game for her satisfaction, but I feel it to my core that I will regret it if I do this. Is my judgement flawed? Just wondering.

Cross posted in mtf, transgender, and my own LJ