Roommate Advice...?
Nov. 9th, 2006 08:15 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
divergently.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transOk so I am still stealth about my transition. Only a handful of people know that I'm not the boy I appear to be and I want to keep it that way for a bit longer. However I may be moving in with 2 coworkers and I'm worried they may be able to pick up on things and out me sooner than I want. So I need advice.
First off I feel very sneaky moving in without coming clean up front. I know they wouldn't want me as a roommate if they knew "something was wrong with me" and well I definitely don't want the people at work to find out. So I'm already rid with guilt about it. I'm an honest person and I don't even like telling white lies. I definitely don't like big lies and I feel it's still a lie if they don't ask and I don't tell. So yea that's the first big problem I'm having.
The second is I just know they're gonna find out. I know they're gonna wander into my room one day while I'm shirtless or maybe I'll forget my meds somewhere they can see or something. I mean I'm gonna have a package from canada arrive at the apartment every month until I get the letter and prescription. They're gonna notice that I shave every part of my body. They'll hear me working on my voice in my room. I mean I just know I'm gonna give myself away and have to explain and deal with even more guilt about moving in without them knowing. And then the work problems that would happen. Oh I don't even wanna think about that. I'm already "razzed" on enough about being vegan. If they found out about my gender identity issues they would have an absolute field day.
Third I'm worried I'm going to sink back into my old role. I mean it'll be nice living with people that share my interests but I'm worried I'll be dragged back into MMOs. I'm worried that I'll be dragged back into eating meat. I'm mostly worried that I'm going to ignore my feelings of being female as I've done for 26 years and stop taking hormones. As crazy as my life is right now I would much rather live my own life than go back to living as him. And no this isn't some metaphor. I really do have a personality disorder where it's him and me and I refer to myself as "we/us" when I talk to myself. I am off. I know it. And I'm worried he will gain control and I'll lose the great amount of power I've gained over the past few months.
So yea I am having quite a few issues. The positives definitely outweigh the negatives. I mean I am so financially screwed right now I really don't have a choice but to move in. The only factor is if there is a 3 bedroom available. If there is, well then that's it. I'm going to break my lease and move out in 3 weeks. I just need help on how to live stealth in boy mode with 2 straight guys without losing any more of my sanity :)
First off I feel very sneaky moving in without coming clean up front. I know they wouldn't want me as a roommate if they knew "something was wrong with me" and well I definitely don't want the people at work to find out. So I'm already rid with guilt about it. I'm an honest person and I don't even like telling white lies. I definitely don't like big lies and I feel it's still a lie if they don't ask and I don't tell. So yea that's the first big problem I'm having.
The second is I just know they're gonna find out. I know they're gonna wander into my room one day while I'm shirtless or maybe I'll forget my meds somewhere they can see or something. I mean I'm gonna have a package from canada arrive at the apartment every month until I get the letter and prescription. They're gonna notice that I shave every part of my body. They'll hear me working on my voice in my room. I mean I just know I'm gonna give myself away and have to explain and deal with even more guilt about moving in without them knowing. And then the work problems that would happen. Oh I don't even wanna think about that. I'm already "razzed" on enough about being vegan. If they found out about my gender identity issues they would have an absolute field day.
Third I'm worried I'm going to sink back into my old role. I mean it'll be nice living with people that share my interests but I'm worried I'll be dragged back into MMOs. I'm worried that I'll be dragged back into eating meat. I'm mostly worried that I'm going to ignore my feelings of being female as I've done for 26 years and stop taking hormones. As crazy as my life is right now I would much rather live my own life than go back to living as him. And no this isn't some metaphor. I really do have a personality disorder where it's him and me and I refer to myself as "we/us" when I talk to myself. I am off. I know it. And I'm worried he will gain control and I'll lose the great amount of power I've gained over the past few months.
So yea I am having quite a few issues. The positives definitely outweigh the negatives. I mean I am so financially screwed right now I really don't have a choice but to move in. The only factor is if there is a 3 bedroom available. If there is, well then that's it. I'm going to break my lease and move out in 3 weeks. I just need help on how to live stealth in boy mode with 2 straight guys without losing any more of my sanity :)