I've Been Trying to Explain Something to Myself

[shelleybear.livejournal.com]

Lot's of people and lots of reasons for being trans. In my case, it's almost a biological imperative. Even accepting the fact that I will not actually be completely female, I know my need stems from the sure knowledge that, after 40+ years of depression I am on the right track due to the relationship of days away from testosterone and days on estrogen to the ammount of time I have been depression less. Going from "depression is the natural order of things and why is everyone else happy (they must be stoned, 'cause I'm not)" to how I feel now. Is a quantum jump. Which leads me to my observation. I may never be a proper girl. Not in the sense of presentation as such. I don't know if I'm up to the learning curve after 51 years. But, if the world can deal with a slightly crude but otherwise happy old broad who behaves in a frequently incongruous manner to what she appears to be, well, I'll probably be happy.