What do I do now?

[lullaby-94.livejournal.com]

Well, of course, I've been like this all my life, but I've basically been repressing it at the same time. As of late, actually, I've been more girly than usual just because, well, I don't want it to be true. I don't WANT to have been born in the wrong body. I don't WANT to be a boy,

but I am.

I am, on the inside.

I have been all my life, and I haven't realized it until about two days ago, actually. I'm completely distraught about it. I've been hysterical trying to deny it, but I know it's true. I can't deny it anymore. I'm almost in tears as I write this.

I don't know what to do now, though...I'm just so in shock that this is what I am...

I haven't told anyone. I'm still girly so people don't suspect anything, and I really don't want to tell anyone. I'm afraid of what they'll say, what they'll think.

Any advice for me to cope with this? I just don't know what to do now...I feel relieved because I know why I haven't been content my entire life, why I've always been saying that I should've been born a boy, but at the same time, I always thought, "It's okay, I'm a girl, though." But I'm not. Not on the inside. I can't lie to myself anymore.

I just need to help, and thought this might be the place to get some...