What do I do now?

[lullaby-94.livejournal.com]

Well, of course, I've been like this all my life, but I've basically been repressing it at the same time. As of late, actually, I've been more girly than usual just because, well, I don't want it to be true. I don't WANT to have been born in the wrong body. I don't WANT to be a boy,

but I am.

I am, on the inside.

I have been all my life, and I haven't realized it until about two days ago, actually. I'm completely distraught about it. I've been hysterical trying to deny it, but I know it's true. I can't deny it anymore. I'm almost in tears as I write this.

I don't know what to do now, though...I'm just so in shock that this is what I am...

I haven't told anyone. I'm still girly so people don't suspect anything, and I really don't want to tell anyone. I'm afraid of what they'll say, what they'll think.

Any advice for me to cope with this? I just don't know what to do now...I feel relieved because I know why I haven't been content my entire life, why I've always been saying that I should've been born a boy, but at the same time, I always thought, "It's okay, I'm a girl, though." But I'm not. Not on the inside. I can't lie to myself anymore.

I just need to help, and thought this might be the place to get some...

Those 'Harmless' comments

[mondayscalamity.livejournal.com]

I'm writing a new article and I need some help.

I want to highlight the effects on the individual who suffers from a prejudiced, transphobic, offensive, or discriminatory comment on the street.

I've just returned home from visiting the local shops to get some food supplies, and gained a first hand experience to deconstruct and look at, but am hoping to gain a few other viewpoints to use in order to explain how the girl feels when someone calls out, 10 paces after they've passed her and aren't in line of sight "you're a man in drag you."

Any other related points would be helpful too.

I've calmed down a bit now, but when it happens I always feel so upset by it. I don't feel like they are harmless ignorable comments; I feel like they're comments that say: “You've failed, you're not a woman,” it's a statement that implies that one should just stop trying, that one is wrong, will always be wrong, and will never be accepted. I hate how it makes me feel so small and worthless, like my life isn't worth living.

I hate that I have to put up with that crap, and I want to have something that I can point to and go "you don't know how I feel, go read this and then come offer me sympathy".

Anyway, rant away, if you want to.

Edited just to clarify: I'm looking for people's experiences and feelings on when this sort of thing happens, I added my own experience and feelings as an example, not the point of the post.