Society's expectations.

[underthewire.livejournal.com]

I saw something about this on a message board and it really made me think. I don't really know how to explain what was said on it except that the feeling it gave me was that some people were saying that transmen who date lesbians are some how betraying their trans identities or that their identites conflict with their sexuality.

I guess, I'm really confused about the whole idea. I am a transboi who dates lesbians, in fact I've never dated a straight girl because I know I wouldn't be comfortable with one. I've never felt like this conflicted with my trans identity.

They usually see me as a man, but they make love to me like a woman. I have a woman's body, so I don't have a problem with this. The ones who don't see me as a man or accept me as one I usually don't stay with unless there is a very strong emotional connection. I feel like we both get what we want out of the relationship. Emotionally my partners and I are attracted to each other, and physically we are attracted to each other.

I feel like the way I get sexual pleasure is a completely seperate thing from how I see my gender. I know that unlike many trans identified people I never had lots of body issues with the exception of my chest. As far as anything below the belt goes I've had it my entire life and I guess I'm just comfortable with it. I enjoy sex and I enjoy having a woman make love to me in a way that I can enjoy with my anatomy how it is.

I guess I think it's more a question of sexual orientation. Can one be emotionally attracted to someone of the opposite gender but physically attracted to someone of the same gender? If so what does that make them?

Anyone else want to help me out with this? I'm just...lost. Every now and then I think I've figured it out and it all makes sense, then I think it doesn't. I hope this makes sense. Somehow I feel like it doesn't, but perhaps that's just because I'm confused by it myself and that makes it hard to present to others. I keep going back and forth and I feel like I'm just talking myself in circles. Any thoughts? Thanks.

Seth

hola

[whitr.livejournal.com]

hi everyone. i guess i've done more commenting on others' postings than i have posting for myself. so here i am.

i'm confused. wow, there's an understatement if ever there was one. 28 years of living in a state of flux has messed with my perceptions. i was raised hard-core girl... debutante ball, coming out (gigglesnort) party, the whole nine yards. but then i just slid in to this butch dyke existence that has really suited me for the past ten years or so. now, in the past 18 mos, events, people, situations and my own head/body/heart are making me want to blur the lines further. i feel like i have to apologize for not wanting to be in one box or the other. it's as if i'm somehow betraying something or some one by saying... ummm... something. what was i saying again?

my head is identifying as queer trans male. i'm seriously considering top surgery... i went from flat chested to DD at 22 and damn it was like god's little joke. i've not ever wanted to go on T and my hormones seem to think that's ok. I've never really had periods. the docs had me on birth control (another little joke from above) to try and get me to bleed but that never seemed to work right either. as it is, i have maybe one or 2 periods a year, grow a fair bit of sideburn and i pack on muscle like a guy. but genetically and anatomically i'm female. go figger.

i've been reaching out to more and more of my queer friends and associations trying to find a language and commonality. i want to live in a world free from lines and boxes. some days i feel like that's just too much to ask/hope for and other days i feel it as a very tangible reality. in some ways i am incredibly spoiled because the vast majority of my close friends, not to mention my incredible girl, really don't give a shit what i am as long as i am me. even my mom has offered to help me find a name that isn't as "frilly" (her word) as the one she gave me.

i guess i just wanted to say thank you (been doing a lot of that lately) to this community. it hs been really nice to read, and recently start participating with, what you all have to say.

oh, any suggestions on good ways to find a new name?