need input

[kisstheearth.livejournal.com]

Hey guys and gals... I just need some input/advice/words of wisdom on this. I wrote this email late tonight to one of the advisors for Prism at my high school and it pretty much sums up everything on my mind.. Thanks.

Hi _________ (name edited for privacy),

I'm kind of in a sticky situation that is bugging me pretty badly. I was wondering if maybe you might have any advice or anything?

My mom isn't so liberal when it comes to talking about my sexuality. I'm just getting a little sick of how she acts towards me when I bring it up. She either gets angry and yells, or she gets really defensive, or she doesn't say anything at all. Then there is also my sister, she tends to make comments about how she thinks lesbians are gross but gay guys are fine. She has also made the comment of She hates gay girls.

(I for one, hate labels period.) I've tried using some of the resources I know of for Lgbt youth but they haven't been too promising with anything. I'm really unhappy, and I've been trying so hard to not let it get to me, but it's to the point where I feel like I have to keep hiding myself and I don't want that anymore. I want to just be who I am and just have fun and be happy. I'm finding it harder and harder to have to keep up the charade of being moms perfect little girl, when I really deep down know that I am not a little girl, but I am a teenage guy screaming to get out.

There have been so many times where I have just wanted to scream out that I'm really a boy and I've always known that I wasn't a girl but I just couldn't do it. It all feels just so hard now to keep trying to be Liam the guy, but also trying to be Alison the girl. It's really just messing with my mind and making things really more difficult for me. I've been doing a lot of research on GID since november last year and really just trying to understand everything and make sure this is who I am and that I know that everything I feel and have felt since I was little all makes sense to me.

For once I feel like I truly know who I am and who I am supposed to be but yet I have to hide my real self and it's really bringing me down. It's also making my everyday life and home life really difficult.

Do you have any words of wisdom or anything?
Thanks,
Liam

Outed by Social Security

[tiff-seattle.livejournal.com]

Back in October 2002, the Social Security Administration changed their policy regarding changing the gender flag, so that only post op transsexuals can get the gender flag changed on their account. What makes this even more complicated is that since 9/11, employers are now required to verify the name and gender with Social security records. This means that if you aren't post op, you will be outed by SSA once your employer checks the records with them. This is what has happened with me at both of my last jobs, and I got my records changed before this new policy went into effect. I wonder what we as acommunity can do to lobby them to change their policy back to the way it was before. I don't know how the SSA is structured and who maked decisions like that, but I would sure like to see that decision reversed. Any thoughts?

I Know I'm dumb, but its just so cool

[pink-spot.livejournal.com]

I just noticed for the first time that I've got stretch marks around my hips! Isnt that cool!!

Tabby

(no subject)

[genocideboy.livejournal.com]

jesus christ.
this is going to destroy me.
i can't even use the washroom at school (or in any public place that has separate washrooms for male/female).
and /only/ my homeroom teacher calls me 'chris'.
people see me, a boy, but as soon as my name gets called by the teacher, they're like 'omgwtf *doubletake* freak'.
fun.
i wish i was brave enough to talk to all my teachers.
or something.

Feeling lost

[travellerlost.livejournal.com]

I'm not an introspective person, and I never have been. I don't like internal searches for things, and I prefer what I can see and touch. So, quite frankly, the concept of being a different gender on the inside than the outside freaks me out and messes with my head to the point that most of the time I just ignore it becuase my life is easier that way, only not really.

So I keep trying to figure out what it is that I am seeing/feeling/accepting that is making me deny what I see in the mirror every day, knowing it's not right.

When we say we know our bilogical gender is wrong, what is it that lets us know this? What's an indication and what's just stereotyping?

(Sorry for the intrusive questions, I'm just feeling lost and more than a little depressed tonight.)