The Makeup Artist

[justafewfriends.livejournal.com]

I'm still getting used to the face that stares out from my user pic. I'm no less vain or interested in what it may convey to people out there.
sarahsmiles. Well I'd gone to this makeup artist to pick up some exrta tips.

I said "what should I do with my eyes? People can't look me in the eye for long. They turn away and when I've asked why they have told me,
"I feel you are looking into my soul."
" I wasn't taken aback but I was surprised."

The makeup artist had listened and said, "well look at me, just as you look at anyone".
So I did. I looked into her eyes and we held each others gaze for a moment ot two then she turned away.
"I'm sorry" she said, and continued more professionally "they are so cold, so unblinking".
"Well,"
I explained. "once I was a salesman and, as a salesman I was told 'always keep eye contact with the client. It's become a habit over the years and I thought it suggested I was interested in the person I was listening to or talking to."
"Could you be less intense?" She asked me.
"Hell, I'm not intense" I said.
"OK, she said, "OK, Ok" she said, "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" I asked turning to look, sightlessly at the wall.
"You really don't know do you?" She was laughing now, incredulous and safe. "OK. Look at me now".
I did. This time, however, she held my gaze for longer.
"Its partly the colour" she said 'Ice grey-blue' let's try something".

She turned to her little pots and slabs of black eyeliner, mascara and went to work on me.
"Lightener under the brows" she said, "this is almost white but see", she dabbed a little on her hand
"it reflects the light and opens your eyes up. Now a little pale gold and darkish brown at the edges, mascara will help and only liner on the top lid." She was working away. It was pleasant. it might have
been mildly erotic if I wasn't wondering at all those sales I'd made.Did those people think I would've
killed them? Well I made the sales, like I was paid to do.
She was finsishing and stood back and looked at her work, biting her lower lip and putting her head to one side, quizically. "Mmmmmmm" that's done a lot to help but we'll do them again after the full makeover. If we emphasise you cheeks and enlarge you lip line..."

She worked for an hour before she finally stopped, "Oh yes. That's it. Now look at me, straight at me"
I did. She held each side of my head. "Look directly at me",
Once more, and for the first time, we held each others gaze.
I noticed how blue her eyes were, and intense, intelligent. I felt a warm generosity of spirit towards this woman who had given so much of herself, more than I had to pay her. So we kept locked in each others eyes and I felt a softening effect on me and knew that my eyes were smiling at hers and that together, whatever we might be reasonably feeling, our eyes were flirting. Then, all at once hers opened wide and a smile like the sun on a rainy day seemed to bathe me with the full soft warmth of a a friend. She was nodding, that smile still on her face, eyes shiny and full of satisfaction. I knew mine were looking the same, but were being led.

"Well" she said, as she tidied then mussed up my hair a little,"I'm proud of you." She leant back, her hands on the makeup table, "Here, take a look at yourself" she said, now bending toward me holding out a mirror. I blinked, turned from her gaze and took the mirror. There was a softness about my eyes and a bloom on my cheeks that I might have missed if I had been able to just look at the eyes. Now I was holding my own gaze and my mirror self was looking searchingly at me, a slight smile on her lips, until I turned away.
When I walked out I was, for a moment disorientated. Then I walked toward a cafe.

I caught the waitress' eye and she came over after stopping at a couple of other tables.
"I'd like a large Cafe Lat and the menu" I said, looking straight into her eyes,
She looked right back and said,"we've stopped serving food"
I held her gaze. I held it and didn't blink. Neither did she.
I looked down at the table and looked up again to fins her eyes had not moved.
"I'll just have the coffee then, please" I said.
"The Cafe Lat?" she was looking intensely at me.
"Yes, the Cafe Lat," I answered looking out the window,
"please."





Postgender

(no subject)

[beyondbliss.livejournal.com]

This survey is being done by the coordinator of the Women's Health Project at UMass. She's trying to get information on issues that arise for trans people, for example aversion to getting gyn stuff handled at all or issues that may arise with doctors and other health-care workers when trying to get gym exams, etc.

If you are gender variant, take the survey. It's totally anonymous.
If you're not gender variant, don't be a jerk and take the survey and skew her results.

I personally feel that participating in research about trans people is a crucial part of changing the way we are understood by academia and the medical community, and by extension how we are portrayed to the rest of the world.

( Here's the info, from J. Cherry: )

Cross posted to my journal, ftm, pioneer_queers, transgender and genderqueer.

Anxiety gone, Relaxation settling in...

[alexia-es.livejournal.com]

Normally I am very intellectual about analyzing and solving what is going on in life. This time I can't figure it out. Last week I finally got around to telling my parents. It went over really well and I'm sleeping better now. I'm feeling completely relaxed and getting work done. However, I'm not thinking about wanting to change my gender right now. It is like it doesn't matter or the thought never crossed my mind, even though I have thought about it extensively for years. Almost like I don't care anymore.

I don't understand, but it isn't bugging me either.

(no subject)

[pippy84.livejournal.com]

hi, my name's dana, i'm 20 and i have a 17 year old brother. he's going through some really tough times and my parents seem totally convinced that it's due to me and my transition. i've been transitioning for almost 4 years now, and i'm getting near the end of all this, but i have a rocky relationship with my whole family.
i'd really like to be closer to my brother, but i don't really know how to talk to him about my transition, and he seems to be doing this annoying stoic guy "i don't care about anything" attitude towards me whenever i try to reach out. although, he does that ALL the time so maybe i shouldn't take it personally.
we used to be really close, and we're siblings, i don't expect to have a perfect relationship with him, but i see him going through this hard time, getting in trouble with drugs and alcohol, and i want to help.
are any of you close to your siblings? especially younger siblings. how did you build that relationship after coming out as trans (for those that are out)? as of now he's still using my old name and basically refusing to acknowledge any part of transition, so that's something i need to work on with him as well, but i'd really settle for just talking occasionally at first.
ideas? stories? help?

~dana

I think it's a...

[sarianna.livejournal.com]

Someone in weirdjews commented about the logic behind pregnant mothers praying to have a child of a particular sex. Apparently it relates to Dinah, who was supposed to be born a boy, but her mother prayed for a girl.

I find this particularly interesting, because one of my hottest androgynous friends is named Deena. Also, my parents thought I was going to be a boy. (I ID as genderqueer, FWIW.)
(humorous aside: they also couldn't decide on a name, so my then-14-year-old brother said to them, "you better hurry up and pick one, or he'll wind up with a name like Bernard Elmo!" his wife is now expecting, and we're continuing the tradition and calling the baby "Bernard Elmo," at least until ze's born.)

So, did your parents think they were getting an opposite-sex child before you were born? =)