How confident can I be?

[glazedmcguffin.livejournal.com]

There are times when I'm 100% certain, ready to go, can't wait. Times when it's blindingly obvious; when it makes the most sense in the world, and I'll regret it if I let one more second of my life wasted pretending to be something I'm not. I've been so sure that I should be living like any other girl would -- certainly for the last 3 months.

Then there are times when it doesn't make sense, when I feel fine where I am. I just don't think about my body not being the way that feels right, because, "that's just the way my body's always been". Maybe I'm going too far when I'd be happy as a more gender-ambivalent male. I want to be feminine, but maybe I just want to be, not that I am. My feelings about my gender seem to have more in common with the seasons than a set core of my identity.

One thing I do know is that when I think "maybe I just want to be a trans-girl", I dislike things about myself, and I feel so discouraged. When I'm so certain of my trans-girl status, I feel hopeful and encouraged. I can't pretend that I don't have doubts, but it sometimes feels so based on mood that I'm disoriented. While I know intellectually that I don't have to "choose a gender", sometimes I can't help but feel that I must - and be absolutely certain of my choice.

No one talks about this, because if you're not 100% certain, someone's going to try and pick away at you until you're "cured". Someone's going to say you're not really trans, that you're just confused. I'm tired of not talking about it, and I'm tired of never reading about it. Am I only confused, working on gender issues - not trans unless I'm confident all the time?

also: Hello.

Financial worries

[ftmiscool.livejournal.com]

I'm very stressed about the financial aspect of transitioning, so basically what did most of you do if you were let's say fresh out of high school , going to go to college, planning on moving in an apartment or dorm room, paying for car insurance, and wanting to transition all at the same time and be able to afford it. Obviously your going to need quite a bit all in all for the evaluation and the endo visits and the T and the vials added on to your usual car and housing expense plus college, thats whats gona happen to me in a few months and uh I'm really not sure how to be able to pay for all this with your average 6.50 an hour job. So lets hear it guys.