Bloggability

[stacis-leak.livejournal.com]

I should not be allowed to think.

There should be some kind of law passed to stop me or a neural inhibitor tagged onto my temples to suppress this kind of thing.

Currently it's like my mind has a filter which loops back things I've already thought or heard or seen but with all the goodness and innocence strained out, like a purifying filter that collects up all the dark scummy foam from the top of my brain and concentrates it.

I mention this because regularly I will blog things as an alternative to thinking about them. If I smear my dark depressing thoughts online for everyone to see like a psychological dirty protest, the feedback tends to clear them up somewhat, and leave me feeling cleaned of anything depressing lurking in my head.

( Unless the content of the thoughts is unbloggable. )

What Dreams May Come

[shelleybear.livejournal.com]

Last night I had this dream.
I had long hair and a strange sort of comb and brush.
Before I used it, the hair was a mess.
Just a HUGE bush.
Then it began to take shape and part in the middle.
And I realized I was me.
Shelley.
Then I woke up.
Mainly, I'm curious.
I know my subconscious has started to assimilate my transitioning as a reality (200mg of Spiro a day is pretty undeniable), but I wonder if I'm the only one who has had dreams like this once they started altering their body chemistry.
Here's to obliterating every possible ounce of Testosterone!
Yeah me!
By the way, two months + and NO DEPRESSION
What's done is done and should have been done years ago!

Shelley