Girlie Night in... and out.

[stacis-leak.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this will make much sense to anyone but I've been feeling a lot more comfortable with myself since Saturday.

Spending my weekends in girl mode always centres me after a weeks stresses but something was even better this weekend. Perhaps it's down to the minor upset with Cathy earlier in the week when I refused to believe that anyone actually accepted me as female, or maybe because I was spurred on meeting another transwoman getting on with her life, it might even have been the hour and a half self-pampering session on Sunday but I feel totally centred now. Everything has smoothed out, tonight I'm changing in the car so I don't have to do the concert in guy mode and having another girly night with Josie after it.

Tomorrow I get to actually see my real cardiac consultant, which is when I'm going to hit her with hormone talk and get a final verdict on whether I'll be able to go private for medication whilst so precariously monitored for other conditions by the NHS, before rushing back for my second laser appointment.

In a couple of weeks time my parents are going on holiday and I might still be unemployed at that point, which to me just screams out as an oppertunity for some temporary full timing.

Last time my parents went on holiday and left me alone, my ears were peirced on their return... I wondering how they'd react to something else being different when they get back... specifically I was thinking my name, although if they're still going to impose rules I couldn't actually go fulltime with them back and having my name changed would be... problematic.

There has to be something I can do to show them I'm making progress.

Any ideas?

M-F Hormone Regimen

[minding-maura.livejournal.com]

I read here several posts from people wondering if their regimen is correct and this is a little scary in that it sounds like a bit of self-directed instead of self-involved. It's so critical that a trained physician is involved in the regimen and follow up testing and adjustments. Blood clots and liver damage are a HUGE concern. Let me say here that I am not by any stretch a doctor or medically trained - ever. What I have done is tons of research and lots of discussion with my doctors. My regimen is not their standard but one that was arrived at after asking tons of questions and not being afraid to ask for something with solid evidence of it's safety and track records gathered from the internet from reliable and well known sources.

The ideal and safest method is intra muscular injection but many physicians won't recommend it because they are afraid that the injections won't be done properly. But if you can demonstrate that you will be trustworthy to do it properly every time and you are shown how to do it properly by the doctor or their nursing staff then you have a good chance at getting it. There are several reasons for this method:

1. It is by far the safest in that it is not first passed through the liver.
2. It is by far the most effective
3. You aren't putting stabilizers and other preservatives, emulsifiers, etc. into your body.

This is what I am taking now:

* Estradiol Valerate 40mg/ml (generic Delestrogen) @ a dosage of 0.5cc per week. The estradiol is in castor oil.
* Real Progesterone 50mg/ml @ a dosage of 0.25cc per 72 hours. The progesterone is in sesame oil.
* Spironolactone 50mg tablets (generic Aldactone) @ a dosage of 1 per 12 hours.
* Fincar 5mg (generic Proscar 5mg) which is finesteride 5mg @ a dosage of 1 per day in the morning.

The injections started out in the butt which was a real hassle for me until I found that you get the same results by injecting into the thigh muscle. No pain at all - ever. You are supplied with a syringe with an 18 gauge needle for drawing the liquid out of the 10ml vials, then you change to a much smaller 22 gauge 1.5 inch needle for the injection. This way the needle used to inject with is not dulled and remains completely sterile at all times. The process is simple:

1. wipe top of vial lightly with alcohol swab, then wipe area to inject.
2. open the syringe with the 18g needle attached and draw out liquid from vial.
3. re-cap needle carefully and remove from syringe
4. open 22g needle and attach to the syringe (do not touch it, keep it sterile.
5. tap the syring to get air collected at top while holding with needle facing up.
6. depress until air and a little liquid comes out of needle
7. pinch area to inject and steadily insert needle all the way into muscle
8. draw it back a little to make sure you don't draw blood into the syringe - done to make sure you haven't hit an artery which is very rare by the way.
9. depress top injecting fluid into muscle and keep syring in for a moment after injecting - i usually count to ten (this keeps the liquid from leaking back out with the withdrawing of the needle.
10. massage area to spread the liquid through the muscle for about 30 seconds is all. All done - Take Maybe 2 minutes. Alternate spots with each injection.

One more note: Don't expect to get these at any regular pharmacy. The Estradiol Valerate and Progesterone are custom compounded at a specialized compounding pharmacy. Your doctor will contact them and then send the prescriptions directly to them via fax. From the time I order it I have it in 3 days.

The best part is the cost:

Estradiol Valerate 10ml vial last about 2.5 months and costs $34.95 incl. the syringes, etc.
Progesterone 10ml vial lasts about 1.5 months and costs 28.95 incl. the syringes, etc.

The Fincar is not available in the US so you need to use an overseas pharmacy for that but it is the real thing from a very reliable pharmaceutical company in India. There are lots of pharmacy resources for it and it costs a lot less than the Proscar available here in the US.

(no subject)

[minding-maura.livejournal.com]

Let me give the community a little background of myself, since I posted a few minutes ago but didn't introduce myself properly.

My name is Maura, but I'm still living as a man and using my male name. I live in Philadelphia, PA and I started to take hormones 6 months ago (actually my 6 month anniversary was yesterday).

I just turned 48 as well, so I'm a late bloomer or a coward up to this point whichever way you want to look at it. I'm married with 3 kids the oldest being 19. I've wrestled with my gender identity since I was a teenager but always conformed to the norms and expectations of where I lived.

Fast forward to current day - I'm overweight due to a bicycling accident. I'm also not nearly the typical in that I'm just a hair shy of 6'5" with a very masculine face, and up to about 9 months ago before the accident weighed in at 248lbs with only about 1% body fat, a 52" chest, 31" waist, 31" thighs, 19" calves and an 18.5" neck and size 13.5 feet. The shear size of me was always a problem for me as well, usually towering over the everyone. In fact it is so rare that I meet anyone taller that I actually very uncomfortable when I do meet someone taller - it's just weird.

Ok, so now you see the problems that I'm facing but I'm overcoming too. First to lose fat I'm doing 2 hours a day (starting at 5am) of cardio at the gym. No weights of any kind. The idea is to cut fat and muscle and it's working. I started at over 300 lbs and am down now, in just a couple of months to 260. The cardio is treadmill and "spinning only" on the bikes. No pushing or stair climbers because those tone and build muscle. At my thinnest years ago but in adulthood, I had a 29 waist, 32 chest so that's my target. My diet is very healthy, I eat about 6 times a day but it's all veggies and fruit with fish or chicken at around lunch time but in smaller portions. No red meats, very little oils, no boxed or processed foods of any kind, low sugars, no salt. Because of Spiro also no potassium products like bananas.

My plans are, after losing the weight, FFS and liposuction under the chin and other areas refusing to shed the fat I don't want. Any fat on hips will remain however. I am lucky in that I have wide hips so a natural hour glass won't be hard. My mother and sister both are natural E's or larger when thin and I am in only six months developing nicely up top so we'll see how large I get. I will however have breast augmentation. Due to my height and size I want nothing less that an E cup. I've alreay consulted in this area and will have water filled and they will go in through navel. This will produce a much more natural hang and no visible scars.

The FFS will be extensive including nose, brow bosses, jaw and chin, cheeks.

If the muscule mass doesn't decline in the 18 months then I will seek to have some of it surgically removed if possible. My thighs, chest and calves are huge with muscle.

Only after the FFS, breast augmentation and body contouring will I go full time. Yeah I know it adds time to the SRS and full identity change but because of my circumstances I refuse to go out and be constantly ridiculed. Without all of it I have no prayer of ever passing. I do however feel alright about my height in that I've met a number of 6'4" biological women and living and working in the city helps too.

So there you have it - me encapsulated.

life

[jacob22eku.livejournal.com]

Well whats up guys? sorry its been so long since i have posted been busy with school and work... I just need to vent so if your not in the mood to hear someone vent then skip thru my entry cause Jake is going to vent... I started a new job at Steak n Shake and its cool because I worked at one in Ohio where I am from so all I had to do was transfer... The people there are ok I am a production trainer which means that I train the new employees and basically make sure the shift runs smooth. They know me as Lauren the lesbian which was ok at first but now its trully starting to get to me. The name tag I have says Lauren and I was so proud of my accomplishment because I received a raise and more responsibilities. But everytime I see that name it feels as though I have been stabbed in the chest. I am not sure if my name will be Jacob but anything is better than Lauren. The crew I work with does not have a problem with me being a lesbian but I am afraid to tell them about me being Jacob. They are not close minded people but not the most liberal either one manager in particular likes to challenge me because I think he feels threatened about me being so "butch". Like no "woman" should be more masculine than him or some stupid crap like that.
It just feels that everyday its harder and harder to live as Lauren and I wonder if things will ever be how they are supposed to be... I think my depression is back because I am down in the dumps 24-7, lost all interest in everything that at one time I held close to my heart, I am tired even though I get over 8 hours of sleep, feel as though I am constantly hungry right after i just ate a big meal.
I just wonder when this hell will end because I dont know how much more I can take before I go crazy. I vent to my girlfriend as much as I can and she does her best to understand me but their is only so much she understand without being in my shoes. Well I feel better now that I have cleared my head... if anyone wants to respond to my entry feel free...
Jake