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transThe night before last I had a dream that I feels represents my spiritual transcendence as it relates to changing my body to better match the appearance of my gender. If ya aren't interested in dream type posts, feel free to move on, otherwise please do read on. :) I have some pretty good ideas of how I feel the dream relates to me and my life right now, but to hear other people's thoughts who are going through (or have gone through) similar situations are always welcome.
The dream came to me on a night while I laid in bed seriously contemplating permanent hair removal. As a woman, I don't particularly like having to spend hours in a day every day or every other day to prevent myself from becoming a walking forest. Those of you who know me in real life know exactly what I mean. If costs can be settled it seems simply to be the freest and logical thing to.
I have investigated various hair removal systems and I have found one which I feel I can financially support which claims to be permanent with a money back guarantee. Hearing that startles me in a way that's not so different from how I was startled in the dream below. It's not that I have any love for body hair by any stretch of the imagination, its just that I'm far to chaotic to face a word like "Permanent" down the tip of my nose and not get the shivers --- in virtually any situation. It's the banality in me that says "What if...," vs. my spirit which tells me that this is simply the right thing to do.
Spirituality
In my spirituality, I feel that my body, not unlike other things in creation is flawed. We all have our flaws, everything has their imperfections, yet when you place the mass of everything for all their imperfections together, some how we get something that is quite perfect.
Life is change, and I feel that by feminizing my appearance to become more like the picture I have of myself within me (I actually also made her as a photo shop image) I am reaching a form of transcendence. The important thing to consider is that I'm not putting my energy into becoming more female in appearance, I am moving to become more Justine in appearance. Justine, of course, is the name which I have attributed to my spirit or soul.
Decisions need to be made not based on compulsion, but rater because they are simply the right thing to do. That is, at the time I am doing something there should not be any sort of reluctance for the behavior to be truly pure. Shifting my appearance towards my spirit's appearance simply by following the natural inclinations of my soul I feel is a means of coming that much closer to feeling this sense of universal completeness and perfection.
The Dream
I had an interesting dream last night wherein I lived in a very large home but never lived outside my bedroom. I owned the entire second floor, and one half of the first floor meanwhile the other hald of the first floor was partitioned into another home where a couple of exchange students from ........ either China or Taiwan... were living.
We actually went outside for a walk and "get to know you" conversation before the rest of what would happen in the dream and I found myself drawn to the girl. The guy seemed to pass me off as being odd and otherwise didn't have much to do with me I was curious about her though, I thought about how although she could speak some things, with such a powerful language barrier in place how much of her self she was truly able to communicate.
Later, after coming hope and retreating to my room. I decided to explore the house and found several spiders in the front hall that spooked me. Still, I didn't run or kill them. Instead I cupped them under a bottle and tried to scoot them along the floor until they were outside. I believe they were a reddish color and were quite large. They were somewhat crab like. Outside, there was even one scorpion with a very red tail. It didn't bother me, but I was weary of it.
Upstairs there were two bedrooms. The first I explored was almost like a community bedroom as there were two single beds one on either side, and each had a small whirlpool style bath tub nearby. Although large, the house was cozy. There were brownish red colored draperies, and it was warm inside. The kitchen, which I don't recall whether I explored before or after the bedroom... I think before... was spacious with dark speckled granite counter tops. The color scheme consisted mostly of whites blacks and grays, and if there's one word that could be used to describe it , it would be solid. It was on the other side of the front hall on the first floor, opposite to the bedroom which I normally occupied.
The master bedroom was gorgeous. The bed was ... most likely full sized, and had a large fluffy classy comforter and decorative pillows. The two single beds were similar, but this one seemed far more inviting. There was a large windowed door with a windowed arch above it overlooking a lake with a pretty white... not quite foggy ... yet only slightly blue sky. There was a large whirlpool bathtub similar... but at least 3 or 4 times larger than the others near the foot of the bed which shared this view.
As I explored the house, finding these new rooms , I actually bathed in each of the baths. While the two smaller ones were comforting, the large one was absolutely heavenly. I could have stayed there for an eternity. The kitchen however wasn't new to me. I'd seen it before, and it was familiar. The exploration began when I went on to the second floor. Interestingly, the room that I had been inhabiting on the first floor was very much like my room now in real life with the notable exception is that the door was against the wall where my closet is in reality.
How's that for symbolism? lol
The dream came to me on a night while I laid in bed seriously contemplating permanent hair removal. As a woman, I don't particularly like having to spend hours in a day every day or every other day to prevent myself from becoming a walking forest. Those of you who know me in real life know exactly what I mean. If costs can be settled it seems simply to be the freest and logical thing to.
I have investigated various hair removal systems and I have found one which I feel I can financially support which claims to be permanent with a money back guarantee. Hearing that startles me in a way that's not so different from how I was startled in the dream below. It's not that I have any love for body hair by any stretch of the imagination, its just that I'm far to chaotic to face a word like "Permanent" down the tip of my nose and not get the shivers --- in virtually any situation. It's the banality in me that says "What if...," vs. my spirit which tells me that this is simply the right thing to do.
Spirituality
In my spirituality, I feel that my body, not unlike other things in creation is flawed. We all have our flaws, everything has their imperfections, yet when you place the mass of everything for all their imperfections together, some how we get something that is quite perfect.
Life is change, and I feel that by feminizing my appearance to become more like the picture I have of myself within me (I actually also made her as a photo shop image) I am reaching a form of transcendence. The important thing to consider is that I'm not putting my energy into becoming more female in appearance, I am moving to become more Justine in appearance. Justine, of course, is the name which I have attributed to my spirit or soul.
Decisions need to be made not based on compulsion, but rater because they are simply the right thing to do. That is, at the time I am doing something there should not be any sort of reluctance for the behavior to be truly pure. Shifting my appearance towards my spirit's appearance simply by following the natural inclinations of my soul I feel is a means of coming that much closer to feeling this sense of universal completeness and perfection.
The Dream
I had an interesting dream last night wherein I lived in a very large home but never lived outside my bedroom. I owned the entire second floor, and one half of the first floor meanwhile the other hald of the first floor was partitioned into another home where a couple of exchange students from ........ either China or Taiwan... were living.
We actually went outside for a walk and "get to know you" conversation before the rest of what would happen in the dream and I found myself drawn to the girl. The guy seemed to pass me off as being odd and otherwise didn't have much to do with me I was curious about her though, I thought about how although she could speak some things, with such a powerful language barrier in place how much of her self she was truly able to communicate.
Later, after coming hope and retreating to my room. I decided to explore the house and found several spiders in the front hall that spooked me. Still, I didn't run or kill them. Instead I cupped them under a bottle and tried to scoot them along the floor until they were outside. I believe they were a reddish color and were quite large. They were somewhat crab like. Outside, there was even one scorpion with a very red tail. It didn't bother me, but I was weary of it.
Upstairs there were two bedrooms. The first I explored was almost like a community bedroom as there were two single beds one on either side, and each had a small whirlpool style bath tub nearby. Although large, the house was cozy. There were brownish red colored draperies, and it was warm inside. The kitchen, which I don't recall whether I explored before or after the bedroom... I think before... was spacious with dark speckled granite counter tops. The color scheme consisted mostly of whites blacks and grays, and if there's one word that could be used to describe it , it would be solid. It was on the other side of the front hall on the first floor, opposite to the bedroom which I normally occupied.
The master bedroom was gorgeous. The bed was ... most likely full sized, and had a large fluffy classy comforter and decorative pillows. The two single beds were similar, but this one seemed far more inviting. There was a large windowed door with a windowed arch above it overlooking a lake with a pretty white... not quite foggy ... yet only slightly blue sky. There was a large whirlpool bathtub similar... but at least 3 or 4 times larger than the others near the foot of the bed which shared this view.
As I explored the house, finding these new rooms , I actually bathed in each of the baths. While the two smaller ones were comforting, the large one was absolutely heavenly. I could have stayed there for an eternity. The kitchen however wasn't new to me. I'd seen it before, and it was familiar. The exploration began when I went on to the second floor. Interestingly, the room that I had been inhabiting on the first floor was very much like my room now in real life with the notable exception is that the door was against the wall where my closet is in reality.
How's that for symbolism? lol
