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transThere is something that has been bothering me all this evening. It even at one point had me in tears, I was so upset. You see I have this mental picture stuck in my mind and I can't get rid of it. I see myself at the final stage of my transition, ready to take the final big step, and being all alone with nobody there to hold my hand. I see myself with nothing for company except the one thing that stuck with me through thick and thin from birth to now without ever questioning: my Teddy. I'm scared that no-one else will ever care. I don't want to be alone in life.
There are times that I know I wish things were moving faster than they are, when I lament the fact that the tablets seem to take their time. But it's like a conveyer belt that never stops and time flashes by taking me to the goal I have worked for for so long, but now seems so close. Maybe everything goes too fast? No - I think it is the unknown that I fear. But fear it I do.
On the one hand I know with the utmost certainty that this is what I want, but on the other hand I can't get over that mental picture I had of me with just Teddy to hold my hand. It makes me cry even now thinking about it.
Does anybody else get the same feeling?
*hugs*
-Jenny-
This is Teddy: he never questions or pokes fun. He never judges me, and is always there for me with a hug. From the day when I was born and he was laid beside me in the hospital through to now and beyond, he has and will stay with me unswerving through thick and thin.
There are times that I know I wish things were moving faster than they are, when I lament the fact that the tablets seem to take their time. But it's like a conveyer belt that never stops and time flashes by taking me to the goal I have worked for for so long, but now seems so close. Maybe everything goes too fast? No - I think it is the unknown that I fear. But fear it I do.
On the one hand I know with the utmost certainty that this is what I want, but on the other hand I can't get over that mental picture I had of me with just Teddy to hold my hand. It makes me cry even now thinking about it.
Does anybody else get the same feeling?
*hugs*
-Jenny-
This is Teddy: he never questions or pokes fun. He never judges me, and is always there for me with a hug. From the day when I was born and he was laid beside me in the hospital through to now and beyond, he has and will stay with me unswerving through thick and thin.
