Why must I do this???
Mar. 16th, 2005 08:17 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
jennyemily.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transAnother job interview for me on Friday, and as I run through all my stuff to take with me up to Durham tomorrow, I've suddenly been hit by a grim dawn of realisation that there is something that I am doing that is fundamentally wrong. You see; whilst I am 'out' as it were, even to the point where the people I work with have known for a good long while and accept it as normal, I am still applying for and going to job interviews as him. I feel compelled to ask myself the question why?
If I can do everything else as Jenny, why do I feel obliged to make one exception still? What am I frightened of? Well - I thought about it long and hard and I've come to the following conclusion - discrimination. It is a sad but true fact of life that there are a great many people out there in businesses, industry and even local government who are of the backward mindset that they believe it is perfectly acceptable to not give some-one a job because they are different from the society norm in some way. That is the fear.
Of course discrimination on grounds of gender, sexual orientation, race, and everything else down to being trans is completely ilegal in this country.
But since when did the law ever stop some-one from doing what they wanted. There are 101 reasons why they could not offer me this job if they knew I was trans. Too experienced, wrong experiences, a better candidate who had more apt qualifications came along - there are so many excuses that would get them off the hook. But every job that I applied for as Jenny, I did not even get a letter back saying "thanks but no thanks". They just ignored me. He, however has far more luck on *exactly* the same qualifications and work experience. Of course you are thinking, why is she giving them all the details? Well what am I supposed to do when the obvious sore thumb in my CV is that I went to an all-boys school. And not some unknown one; I went to the same school as the bloke who played Gandalf in LOTR, a couple of famous explorers, and several prominant actors from UK television amongst other people. So you can see it's going to be kind of hard to explain how there could be a girl who got her education at one of the top all-boys schools in the country. There are other anomolies that are easier to not have to explain by just using his name - that way I seem to stand a chance of getting to interview. And the big problem is that all of my ID is in his name.
But then I am in a position that they are expecting a man to turn up to interview. I have resolved that this is the last time that I am going to put myself through this; the last round of job applications that acknowledge his existance alone. I feel bad, like a phoney, a fake to have to dress as him for an interview to get a job to have to go through the heartache of picking the time to come out again to a new workplace crowd. The bottom line is that I see the potential for them to discriminate, and I need this job that will let me move somewhere to have my own space and to carve out my own life.
I hate doing this, but it appears to be the necessary evil for now. How things like to make it difficult for me again!
Bah!
If I can do everything else as Jenny, why do I feel obliged to make one exception still? What am I frightened of? Well - I thought about it long and hard and I've come to the following conclusion - discrimination. It is a sad but true fact of life that there are a great many people out there in businesses, industry and even local government who are of the backward mindset that they believe it is perfectly acceptable to not give some-one a job because they are different from the society norm in some way. That is the fear.
Of course discrimination on grounds of gender, sexual orientation, race, and everything else down to being trans is completely ilegal in this country.
But since when did the law ever stop some-one from doing what they wanted. There are 101 reasons why they could not offer me this job if they knew I was trans. Too experienced, wrong experiences, a better candidate who had more apt qualifications came along - there are so many excuses that would get them off the hook. But every job that I applied for as Jenny, I did not even get a letter back saying "thanks but no thanks". They just ignored me. He, however has far more luck on *exactly* the same qualifications and work experience. Of course you are thinking, why is she giving them all the details? Well what am I supposed to do when the obvious sore thumb in my CV is that I went to an all-boys school. And not some unknown one; I went to the same school as the bloke who played Gandalf in LOTR, a couple of famous explorers, and several prominant actors from UK television amongst other people. So you can see it's going to be kind of hard to explain how there could be a girl who got her education at one of the top all-boys schools in the country. There are other anomolies that are easier to not have to explain by just using his name - that way I seem to stand a chance of getting to interview. And the big problem is that all of my ID is in his name.
But then I am in a position that they are expecting a man to turn up to interview. I have resolved that this is the last time that I am going to put myself through this; the last round of job applications that acknowledge his existance alone. I feel bad, like a phoney, a fake to have to dress as him for an interview to get a job to have to go through the heartache of picking the time to come out again to a new workplace crowd. The bottom line is that I see the potential for them to discriminate, and I need this job that will let me move somewhere to have my own space and to carve out my own life.
I hate doing this, but it appears to be the necessary evil for now. How things like to make it difficult for me again!
Bah!
