Pronouns. Need Feedback (also posted in ftm)

[ftmwolfcasey.livejournal.com]

       My younger sister recently hurt my feelings. She's been asking a lot of questions about FTM's, surgeries, the effects of hormones, etc. When I was explaining the physical changes that occur during HRT, I showed her some pre/post pics for comparison. Now, I know that I can't really hold this against her because she's just now starting to concretely learn about what's going on with her older sibling (although she's known I'm like this for almost 4 years), but it really struck me when she would see a picture of an FTM already well into transition that didn't look like anything like a female and refer to that person with female pronouns. The odd thing about it is that she'll also refer to a post-transition MTF with female pronouns. So I looked at her and said (about the FTM), "You mean that he has taking hormones for five years." She responded, "Huh? No, I meant she. Why do you say he?" I told her, "I'm not bitching you out or anything, but I figure I ought to let you know that it's kinda disrespectful to call people by the wrong pronouns." She then said, "Yea, but she's biologically a girl, right?" I answered, "Yes, but he has already medically transitioned to male so that his body will match what he sees himself as mentally, and he has specifically stated that he wants to be called by male pronouns. Therefore, it's only polite to respect his wishes." She shot me back a look of anger and snapped, "Well, I'm not going to tip-toe around people. I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, I don't think it's disrespectful at all. It's just a word anyway. Besides, she was born a girl. So I'm not going to use male pronouns." Normally, I find this irreverance endearing, but this really hurt my feelings, especially considering that she knows about me. Later, I went to my best friend and told her about how this had upset me. She has said before the being trans is something that "cannot be really understood unless you're in that exact same situation yourself." I agree, but I also really appreciate the fact that she is respectful and tries her hardest to truly understand me. However, she wasn't too understanding in this arena either. She said to me, "Casey, I don't know why you're getting so worked up about this. It really is just a word. So what?" I told her, "It's not just a word. This is a matter of respect." Her answer was something along the lines of, 'Well, I'm about as PC as you, which we both know is basically nil. But what you're doing right now is the same thing as other people being offended by your usage of words that have traditionally been regarded as slurs, like faggot or cracker. So I don't think you should be hypocritical and get upset by Sasha calling the guys 'she.' After all, she's right...it is just a word. Just two or three little letters. It doesn't mean anything because you know who you are anyway.' The utter loneliness I felt in that one small moment was undeniable. Oh, and I also have to point out that even though I am not PC by any means, I don't get all uppity about just my little group (FTM's). For example, I thought that South Park episode was hilarious. What do you guys think about all this?