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transIf this is completely OT, I apologize. I just need to ramble and I don't know where else to do it.
I know very well what I say I am (FTM). I know very well that I feel more comfortable in men's clothing, with my binder on, and having people call me "sir" until I open my mouth and my voice gives me away. But at the same time, I'm scared I'm just saying and wanting this because I hate myself. Kind of a "female" Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs. What if I just think I'm this way because I think a new name and body will make all of my issues go away? What if T doesn't make me more comfortable with myself if/when I start it? And what if changing my name doesn't feel right? I'm hesitant to even think about changing pronouns with my gender-neutral name right now because part of my brain insists that it's not right, despite what makes me happy.
I know I worry too much about everything. I know this has a tendency to fuck up my life. And I hate it. I want to be more sure with myself, but I can't because I doubt every single thing I decide to do. It sucks, quite badly.
I know very well what I say I am (FTM). I know very well that I feel more comfortable in men's clothing, with my binder on, and having people call me "sir" until I open my mouth and my voice gives me away. But at the same time, I'm scared I'm just saying and wanting this because I hate myself. Kind of a "female" Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs. What if I just think I'm this way because I think a new name and body will make all of my issues go away? What if T doesn't make me more comfortable with myself if/when I start it? And what if changing my name doesn't feel right? I'm hesitant to even think about changing pronouns with my gender-neutral name right now because part of my brain insists that it's not right, despite what makes me happy.
I know I worry too much about everything. I know this has a tendency to fuck up my life. And I hate it. I want to be more sure with myself, but I can't because I doubt every single thing I decide to do. It sucks, quite badly.
