Pennsylvania Advice?

[awanderingsoul.livejournal.com]

First of all, SORRY for cross-posting this....

OK...here goes...in a nutshell....I am leaving a relationship....not by choice...but ultimately, it's the best thing for the both of us.

Now...on the downside....I am moving.....

Back home...to PA....to VERY conservation, catholic, and sadly closed-minded parents and family. I am going to have to hide my real self again...hopefully not for too long.

So...I am really torn and depressed at this point. In the past few years down here...I feel that I have made some deal of personal progress.....but still haven't even gone to a therapist....guess I never really figured out the best way to approach that......maybe I was just scared. But now...I feel between a rock and a hard place.....I don't want to "revert" to being "Matt" (ugh, hate that name now)......I want to be Lauren.....she is who I am.....

So...I guess what I am asking is.....what advice, if any....might you have to someone who has to hide who they want to be and revert for the time being......and more importantly....how would one approach such a topic with such closed-minded and judgemental people? I just worry...because right now...I am really relying on them heavily to get back on my feet....I never wanted it to come to that....but they, and all the family infact, has made it VERY clear...that they miss me terribly....and would love for me to move back north.

It will just be rough.....going back to a small town...with small town mentality......not even sure where I would find a therapist to start out in such a rural area.......

I just don't want Lauren to die......any help/advice?

*hugs*

Lauren

In which patience makes me a patient.

[stacis-leak.livejournal.com]

Well all my fretting about getting back to see my GP was for nothing, I got the forms in the post yesterday to apply for the Porterbrook psychosexual clinic.

I'm sort of in two minds as to what to write.

See porterbrook deals with a WIDE range of problems. They sent me two forms, incase it's a marital problem and Becca wants to fill one in too.

They give a space like [ ] this for "what do you see as your main problem.?"

And mention that you can continue overleaf if neccessary.

I'm unsure if I should just write "Gender Identity Disorder" or whether I shoudl take their invitation to fill the whole opposite side of the page. Depending how much detail i go into, I could fill pages with my feelings on the matter but they'll probably ask me about most of it on my first appointment...

Is it common to have to fill a form in for an appointment with a psych? I mean I thought I should save it up for the appointment....

Any advice?

Very confused...

[sharktooth99.livejournal.com]

Kay, I'm just gonna let everything fly and see what happens:

So I've been questioning my gender for several years now, but just recently I've begun to really confront it seriously, rather than pushing that kind of thought away. I have a very female body: big breasts, big hips, very 'pretty-girl' feminine face, but I'm also sturdily-built and muscular for a girl. I haven't been comfortable with being female for a long time, and have often wished I were male, but I'm not sure how far that desire actually carries.

I've shaved my head and stopped shaving my legs and armpits. I wear tight bras, and want to have breast-reduction, but I'm not sure how small I want to go. Now and then, someone who only catches a glimpse of me mistakes me for a guy, and that always makes me feel great. I visualize myself without breasts and it looks really good, but I don't know how to figure out how far I want to go with this anti-feminization thing, or how to go about it even if I wanted to change anything.

Another problem is, I'm really attracted to men, both straight and gay. I once fell in love with a woman, but I think that was an anomaly; I don't really find women physically attractive (or am I just repressing it?). I'm very attracted to men, but the idea of having sex in my female body really disgusts me, whereas the idea of having sex with a male as a male myself is extremely appealing.
But straight men aren't attracted to me, probably because my personality and mannerisms are often too masculine.

Also, I want to have children someday, but I'm not sure if I want to be a mother or a father. I guess as science stands, I only have one option, huh ...

I'm really confused about how far my masculine leanings go, about this twisted-around sexuality, and, well, everything. I've talked to a couple people about it, and they're really confused, too. It seems like you either have to be straight or gay, or transexual, but I don't fit in anywhere! Does this happen to other people? Any tips on figuring this kind of thing out? Books to read, people to talk to, things to consider, etc?

Quiz I found

[iavasaenil.livejournal.com]

The questions are actually pretty vague... so I thought it was good and I'd share it.

You scored as Female. Being mostly female by thought, is even though (still) considered inferior to masculinity in Western culture, a good thing in many ways:By definition it means that you are more creative, and sensitive towards your environment, enabling you to express yourself freely. </td> Female 79% Either 75% Male 46% Neither 21% Should you be MALE or FEMALE?* created with QuizFarm.com