(no subject)

[styggian-nights.livejournal.com]

I go by Jes. I don't know what I would prefer to call myself, but I have some ideas.

Anyway, I've known I was in the wrong body since I was a kid. I remember being 7 years old and feeling I was wrong. The thought of growing breasts made me feel so incredibly self-conscious that I would slouch badly, wear big baggy clothes, and constantly try to hide it with my arms. Menstruation was a horror that always made me feel gross, dirty. I didn't look forward to either and even still I hate it. When I was a teenager and I started having my hair cut short, I actually had people mistake me for a boy. At the time it was aggravating because it was embarassing and people would pick on me for it, even if that was what I felt like on the inside.

I've been struggling with it for so long, and for so many years I toed the line along with society and pretended to be straight, dated boys, even got married for 5 years during an 8 year relationship. I tried to pretend and tried to be a wife, but over time it just started to wear on me too much and eventually it all crumbled around me to the point I refused to be close to him and refused sex. For the longest time I claimed I was bisexual but that was never quite right because the gender wasn't right. I feel like a male on the inside, but still bisexual. It feel so complicated sometimes, and yet so simple at other times.

The other day I placed an order with underworks for one of the compression shirts and a shaper boxerbrief thing to wear around the house. I'm a 36DD so there's no way I can ever properly hide my chest, I just can't imagine it, but hopefully it will help to a degree that I'll feel more comfortable. I also bought some things from early2bed, a packer, a pnp, and a strap. Hopefully they'll all arrive next week. I am crazy excited for them to arrive and can't wait to try them out.

Anyway, that's me. I don't know what else I should say.

I am interested in connecting with people who know what it's like and who could commisserate I guess. I've not known any trans personally but I have been reading online comms and websitesa\bout trans for over 10 years. I feel a little isolated and alone because even though I know people who are tolerant about it and I trust them, but they don't really understand it on the same level.

Questions, comments, whatever, I'm game :) I'm not big on chatting on aim and so on, but anyone can feel free to say hi anyway.

Emtional connection with some men.....not sexual attraction

[irish-deutsch.livejournal.com]

Light bulb moment...suddenly clicked and I realised why I have on a few occasions felt something for men............it was an EMOTIONAL connection......and I can have such with anyone.....and could maybe lead to a sort of 'love'...but it wasn't a sexual attraction........

New SOFFA here..

[cripfemme.livejournal.com]

Dear Everyone,

I've had transgender friends before but they were already transitioned when we met.  That is easier for me to deal with.  Recently one of my very best friends as well as my ex-girlfriend came out to me.  My best friend is transitioning from male to female, and my ex-girlfriend identifies as gender variant.  I have no idea what to do with these two people, although I am interested in being an ally, I have no idea how to do this, and worry about getting it wrong.  

But I am also extremely offended, as both of them assumed that I wasn't going to be their friend anymore.  One of these people has known me half my life.  I wanted to ask if they'd left their brain on their pillow that morning.  I know that a bunch of people have told me that they weren't actually talking about me and just wanted reassurance, but I am still offended.  And this makes me a bad ally, because I can't get past my anger to help them with whatever they might need help with, and I can't even figure out what that is.  

This is probably the most inarticulate thing I've ever written in my life, but I am very confused and have no idea what to even say.  I also have a major concern because my ex-significant other is now apparently not female anymore, and does this make me straight?  I hope not because I really don't want to go through that process again, coming out was hard enough the first time!  I am trying to be supportive, really I am, but I am kind of lost.  

Thanks for reading.

hey all.

[jackcantdie.livejournal.com]

 I've tried to do some research (maybe I'm not trying hard enough) but I'm confused about something so if you could help me out, I'd really appreciate it.

Now, some fellow ftms like myself can relate to this.

( You've been warned. )

Bra Inserts

[pink-pet.livejournal.com]

Hi Everyone,

Is there a place online with info on how to buy/size bra inserts for a male body?

OK, now that I've written that, I'm sure there is, it's the Internet after all, it's all out there... just wondering if anyone knows of a good site for that.

Thanks!