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daddysambiguity.livejournal.comI have a friend in my graduate program who is just starting transition. It is obviously a huge part of his life and a real transformation for him. As we all know, he's finally become the person he felt he was meant to be.
That said, some of our mutual friends have become annoyed because they say that transition is all he talks about -- hormones, surgery, gender, names, etc. They say they get tired of hearing about it non-stop and nothing else. A few refuse to talk about it with him at all anymore and one friend is just flat out ignoring him and not returning his calls. Another person just responds in a disinterested manner.
A mutual FTM friend and I are more willing to listen. We understand a bit more. We both admit that he talks about it constantly and it can be frustrating because it can feel like a one-sided friendship, but at the same time, I personally recognize that people go through periods in their lives when they do tend to obsess over one thing because it's the biggest thing that's ever happened to them. As friends, we can support them through that and be understanding.
At the same time, it seems like there should be a balance somehow. Is it fair for people to refuse to talk to him about it at all? But is it fair for him to talk about transition and nothing else? Is there a middle ground and, if so, how do you navigate it?
I guess I am looking for input on how to best handle the situation. The friend is very upset and has been crying all night since finding out that people are annoyed with him and that some are even ignoring his calls. I don' t really know what to tell him -- or our other friends even -- so I was wondering if any of you have dealt with this kind of thing? What might you suggest so that everyone can be happy?
Thanks a lot, guys! I know when I transitioned, I talked about it constantly. Hell, I can tell by looking at old entries. So, I think this is common. That's why I'm asking in this forum!
That said, some of our mutual friends have become annoyed because they say that transition is all he talks about -- hormones, surgery, gender, names, etc. They say they get tired of hearing about it non-stop and nothing else. A few refuse to talk about it with him at all anymore and one friend is just flat out ignoring him and not returning his calls. Another person just responds in a disinterested manner.
A mutual FTM friend and I are more willing to listen. We understand a bit more. We both admit that he talks about it constantly and it can be frustrating because it can feel like a one-sided friendship, but at the same time, I personally recognize that people go through periods in their lives when they do tend to obsess over one thing because it's the biggest thing that's ever happened to them. As friends, we can support them through that and be understanding.
At the same time, it seems like there should be a balance somehow. Is it fair for people to refuse to talk to him about it at all? But is it fair for him to talk about transition and nothing else? Is there a middle ground and, if so, how do you navigate it?
I guess I am looking for input on how to best handle the situation. The friend is very upset and has been crying all night since finding out that people are annoyed with him and that some are even ignoring his calls. I don' t really know what to tell him -- or our other friends even -- so I was wondering if any of you have dealt with this kind of thing? What might you suggest so that everyone can be happy?
Thanks a lot, guys! I know when I transitioned, I talked about it constantly. Hell, I can tell by looking at old entries. So, I think this is common. That's why I'm asking in this forum!