Androgyny...how to pull it off?

[twoxmale.livejournal.com]

I've been doing a lot of introspection lately and had another session with my therapist where I discussed the current situation.  I made a post before that briefly mentioned this.  I do not meet the textbook definition of gender dysphoria, because I do not strongly identify with the stereotypical gender roles of the opposite gender.  I fall somewhere near the middle.  My desire is to come across as androgynous, but leaning towards male and using male pronouns.  The male equivalent of a tomboy, I guess, whatever you would call it.

I am having a lot of trouble explaining this to people and very few people seem to get it, and I'm not sure how I am going to achieve what I am aiming for.  Several people seem to think that, as biologically female, I cannot pull off a look like this, this, or this.  None of these examples look very masculine at all, so I'm a bit puzzled, though this may have to do with people not understanding what I'm aiming for.  I'm not sure.

I've been thinking over the possibility of surgery only without hormones, or with only a very low dose, because I do not want to risk a personality change, drastic appearance change, or increased sex drive.  My mannerisms, body language, etc. are just naturally not feminine at all as it is, and it's always been that way.  The main indicator that gives me away (when binding and wearing a baggy shirt, at least) is my voice, and I don't know if it's possible to train my voice to be convincing enough without hormones or not.

Is anyone knowledgeable enough to know how possible my goal is, and how difficult/expensive this would be if it is?

Sorry for all the questions.

an interesting film I saw last night.....

[wolfcub6772.livejournal.com]

ok bear in mind that it has English sub titles, is filmed in Argentina and has a triggering scene or 2. it's called xxy. H.B.O. is airing it this month, and from someone who hates sub titles, it was an awesome flick! the basis of the movie is a Intersexed person and her parents, who are really awesome! check it out!

Ugh, do I really want to?

[parmonster.livejournal.com]

When I transitioned 13 years ago, I worked for a medium-sized company (300 people or so) near my hometown. I'd been there about 7 months pre-transition, and stayed about 6 months post-transition. So, to put it simply, they saw me at my most awkward. Being the entirety of the IT staff, I was also extremely visible, even before transition.

Anyway, I got a note via my mom a couple days ago (she'd worked for this company too), saying that the owner had pinged her about having a "reunion party" this weekend (the company has since been bought out by a larger organization). A part of me would really like to go. I had friends there, and despite some reservations about exactly how my boss met the challenge of my transition, I really always did consider her a good friend.

At the same time... Ugh... an entire gathering of people who knew him...

Would you go?

ETA: Not gunna go...

Not because I'm worried about the headspace or dealing with awkwardness, but because I remembered that I've got too much to do in the next several days and can't afford to blow Saturday on a fieldtrip down memory lane.

Where to Go From Here?

[vampire-muse.livejournal.com]

It has been a long time since I posted on this community, but since then, I have attended some therapy for about 2 years with mixed results and mixed messages.  The main conclusion I got from my counsellors was that I needed to get more involved in the community to gauge "where I am at" and get a sense if being transgender is truly who I am.  So... following that advice, I joined the college gay-straight alliance more inclusively called Spectrum (reflecting that all persons somehow fit in a wide spectrum of orientation and identity, etc.) and I have met many great friends and so on.  My self-awareness has developed to where I know for certain who I am inside and that I just naturally lean towards a feminine identity or definition of self than masculine. 

My goal is to be myself, in this case, feminine and female over the male that just doesn't click in my head and the way I feel I am as a human being.  My goal is to hopefully improve my appearence to better reflect the person I am on the inside.  My counsellors had not really offered much in the way of counsel or advice in this department and haven't really given me too much in the way of information regarding various options of transition either.

My own research has proved fruitful for the most part, but I am generally discouraged by the costs and hoops one must go through to transition.  For now, I am trying to see and experiment with ways of improving my overall appearence as female without going nuts and breaking my bank or commiting to hormone therapies at this point.  I would like to get in touch with specialists and therapists with experience in transgender issues, but I have no insurance.  I want to experiment with clothes and possibly make-up, wigs, etc.  But I find myself wondering how to transition gradually and discreetly and on a tight budget.

Being 34, with some male pattern baldness, and very slender frame (no hips or butt) I feel more discouraged.  And because I am on a college campus that could be somewhat transphobic and homophobic, I am not sure to what degree I should attempt some form of transition.  So... where do I go from here?

Rachel

Height woes

[twoxmale.livejournal.com]

Sorry to post again so soon and always asking questions on here.  I keep searching everywhere and I cannot find any concrete answers to this because it's so specific.

If I were to go on T, and take some sort of growth hormone at the same time, could I actually become taller?  I wonder this because, from what I understand (correct me if I'm wrong), T basically confuses your body into thinking you are going through puberty again in a way, so maybe it would cause your body to be receptive to growth hormones again even if you are past the age when you would be (which I am, I am 26)...

This is something that's really been bothering/depressing me a lot.  I hate being short and very badly regret not doing anything about it when I still could have, such as going on T and/or growth hormones when I was younger.  I'm 5'4", and while some men are this short...it's really rare and I really do not like it at all.  I'm horridly self conscious about it.

Failing this, is there any way I could compensate for being short through clothing that is acceptable for men to wear?  I can't exactly wear high heels or something.